Skinny Boy ✔

Chapter 48: welcome home

Thanks to my own stupidity, I missed out on more than half of spring break. When came time to go home, Jamie came again to pick me up from the hospital. While mom and dad took care of the "adult things" (signing release papers, gathering the information for at-home recovery, etc.), we chatted among ourselves. Typically, I'd find his rambling annoying, but on this occasion, I found it a good way of distracting myself from the screaming thoughts and relentless feelings of defeat. 

"Haley's home on break," he informed me. 

"I know," was all I said. Mom had already told me, and I wasn't in the mood to be reminded that I kept her from seeing her own daughter because she was in the hospital with a messed-up-in-the-head son. 

"Gee, aren't you a ray of sunshine?" he rolled his eyes. 

Great, now Jamie's ticked off at me, and I have mom breathing down my neck. 

As much as it annoyed me that she was watching my every move, I couldn't blame her. Not after what she saw the night before. We'd both been relatively quiet on the matter, save those few times she asked if I was alright after my bathroom-breakdown. 

"I'm just tired," I said, clearing the air before it got thick with tension. 

Before he could respond (of course he would have, he's never without words), mom and dad came over, asking if we were ready to go. Happy to finally get out of this germ-filled place, I was quick to hop to my feet. Maybe a little too quick, because a sting ran down my leg the second I stood up. 

Dad noticed the wince, and asked, "You okay, bud?" 

I put on my brave face, pursed my lips, and nodded. "Yep," I said, and continued on out the door. There wasn't much I could do when other than continue with whatever I was doing before. This sort of cram was nothing new. It happened here and there every time I tried walking, and when I brought up this concern to the physician, he gave me the good news that I should expect that until my muscle was fully recovered. I guess that's why I had a soft spot for that physician; he was a bearer of good news. 

The ride home home was an interesting one, but also uneventful. Nothing much happened on the way home, other than the conversation mostly from dad and Jamie, the latter happy as ever to talk away. I'm not sure if either of them noticed, but there was some unspoken tension between me and mom. Both wanted to say something to the other, but kept our mouths shut. And that's what made the ride so interesting. 

Are we almost home yet? I asked myself halfway into the drive. 

That's when it hit me. 

Dad traveled all this way, to and from the hospital, every visit. He wasted all this time, time that he could have spent with Jamie or Haley. I'm selfish, and still, people waste their time on me. 

The guilt hit hard, to say the least. 

~

"We're home!" mom announced when we walked through the door, loud enough for Haley to hear from her basement room. 

She said something unintelligible, quickly followed by the sound of her skipping up the stairs. She smiled carefully at me, as though afraid the wrong move might break me. All I could manage was a forced smile back as she slowly moved into the kitchen. It felt more like an awkward social gathering encounter than it did two siblings welcoming each other home.

I took my time carrying my bag inside, not taking a chance with straining my legs again. Dad took the bag from my hand in attempt to lighten the load; I took it as more of him saying you can't handle this on your own than as a kind gesture.