I'm trans and problematic

Not even going to do an intro

Just trigger warning for everything.

I don't know where to start to be honest.

So, there's a person involved in this and I'm not putting their name but if you read my other journal then it's going to be obvious as to who it is. 

I had a sort of relationship with a human but I broke it off because I discovered I no longer had romantic feelings for them. 

Now you're caught up.

They don't want me in their life anymore and that's reasonable. They're having a relapse but I can't talk to them about it since i don't want to bother them. They're already completely moved on from me and I don't know why I'm acting like this since I'm the one that ruined it.

I lost weight and got to one of my goals but then I binged today. I wish I could just purge but I messed up my gag reflex from shoving my fingers down my throat too many times. I mean I could always drink a gallon of salt water. Hopefully it would kill me.

Speaking of which, I have no idea why I haven't downed 10 bottles of pills yet. I know the combination to the safe so there's nothing stopping me. I could just pop 10,00 with some whiskey and salt water and I bet that would do the trick. I mean third (well 6th but the other times weren't pills) time is a charm right?

I'm going to skip dinner tonight. Or at least try my hardest to. I can't start the school year being so fat.

I wish someone would just tell me to grow the hell up and that I should just die.