I'm trans and problematic

this has not been my best week

(I say pretty and bs in this chapter way too much. he's just so p r e t t y I can't help it)

monday- sick

Tuesday- I started my period and I got a 32 on the algebra quiz that I missed on Monday.

Wednesday-just overall anxious and sickish but reading class was really good. I didn't have to do the Socratic seminar because I told her about how overwhelmed I've been all week. Bs sat near me and he talked and also he got a haircut and it made me cry on tuesday okay hes so pretty??   s o p re t ty???? anyways yeah and we had a fire drill and I taught my friend the cotton eye joe dance and Bs did a thing with his friends in front of the class an a bi dude did a somersault and I helped teach my reading teacher orange justice. 

Wednesday night- I started working on my homework around 10ish and then one of my friends wasn't feeling good so I helped them and then it got worse and that didn't stop until midnightish and now I'm pretty sure they hate me a lot and I was so tired because I haven't gotten enough sleep so I didn't finish my homework.

Today- I came in early to get help with my homework and then I cried in band because bs is so pretty and he plays the xylophone and the sound is so pretty and he's pretty and he plays a pretty instrument and I'm not okay.

Also, we're doing full band and I hate it so much there's too many people. 

I'm listening to Lil peep now and his voice is so good and he's not alive and I'm so emotional right now Jesus Christ is this because of my period because I swear I've never been like this. 

All of my friends keep telling me that bs is probably bi and that I should go for it but I know he's straight and I just want to not like him but I also love liking him if that makes sense? Like, it hurts and I think about him too much but at the same time it's like an addiction and I know I need to stop but I can't.

And then I'm also just super dysphoric and dysmorphic and anxious constantly.