I honestly don't know what this is

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I've been laying on the ground of my room in the dark watching Shane Dawson. Then I started listening to music. I have no motivation right now. I need to shower because I need to take care of myself but I don't want to. I should probably eat but I don't want to. I feel sick. Not like throwing up sick but pain but not cramps just pain.

I probably had around 800-900 calories today. Less than a healthy amount but it feels like too much. I want to lose a good 30 pounds but people are paying attention to how much I eat now. 

Uhg.

I think that if I was skinnier, and had a better face I could model. Not like real model but Aesthetic Tumblr Boy™️. Because that is my fashion. I like colorful jeans and jean jackets and flowey flowery stuff but I'm fat and ugly so nah.  

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