I'm trans and problematic

Just some random stuff.

In gym we had our push up test. Bs was in the row next to me and he was going first. Simply being gay close to him gives me heart palpitations. Anyways as he was doing his pushups he was talking to the dude that had his hand on the ground for the thin. Out of no where I hear him say "you want me to kiss it?" So every time he went down he give the dudes hand a little peck. It was so cute. Also in the locker room he picked up his friend and carried him across the halllway and it was really gay.

Then later in reading we were doing a Socratic seminar and I was on the inside circle and he was on the outside circle. One of the poems that we were talking about had hardcore suicidal vibes to it. I brought up how I related to the poem because of the mental illnesses and suicidal tendacies it talked about. I looked up as I was talking and bs was actually paying attention and ejdjdjdj. 

He still doesn't like me though and it's hard to get it through my head. Not really I mean I know he doesn't like me, but I don't want to believe it.