Skater Girl // Michael Clifford.

17.

Fuck. I froze. What do I do? I didn't even know how to react, I wasn't even kissing him back because I was too shocked to process the entire thing that just happened, after 2 seconds I pushed him away because I'm so fucking awkward and never been kissed, so obviously I had no idea what to do. "Michael," I pushed him away and sighed.

"Fuck," he closed his eyes like he was in trance and he just came out of it, "fuck, Emizie. I'm so sorry. Shit," he freaked out.

"Its...  I - uh, I should just leave," I replied.

"No no no, shit. I knew you were dating Tommy and I just. Fuck," he looked really worried.

"Michael," I sighed.

"No no, don't even say anything. I know! I'm such a mess, I mess up everything for you. You seemed to be doing well and so happy with Tommy and I just had to - I had to do something!" 

"Michael, listen -" I tried to speak but he cut me off.

"I'm so sorry. Please don't tell Tommy that I tried to kiss you, he'll kill me. Like really kill me," he rambled on, "Emizie, I got carried away. I was just jealous, yeah? Okay, I was very fucking jealous. Because I should have asked you out the moment I knew I liked you and I did not! Because I'm such a fucking asshole! Gosh, I mess up everything! I just want - I just wanted to apologize for everything I did, like, I made you cry and literally made your life miserable, I'm so sorry. You used to be so happy before I came into your life, I'm sorry for being such a dickhead, Fuck, I don't even know how to apologize properly! Obviously, I had Lola's company, and trust me - I'm no more friends with her or friends with benefits, or whatever. Fuck, shit. Shit, I'm freaking out!" 

"Michael!" I raised my voice so that he could shut the fuck up, "I'M NOT DATING TOMMY,"

"But you have a right to be happ- wait," he finally heard me, "WAIT. You're not, what?"

"I just said that because... well I thought it was funny that you even believed it," I covered up my lie.

"You lied? What, wait. You know how miserable I was feeling?" he asked.

"I know, but well, I don't know," I mumbled.

"You know but you don't know?" he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Fuck off, don't ask me questions that are more tough than Trigonometry!" I whined.

"But then, why didn't you kiss me back?" he asked, seriously.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "I did not want to get my hopes up and be ignored the next day,"

"I wouldn't!" he snapped, "I kissed you with my whole heart, okay?"

"I just didn't know how to react! And you apologized after kissing me," I said.

"Because I don't want to make things anymore complicated for you," he replied.

"Okay,"

"Okay?" he asked.

"I don't know what else to say! I mean, alright... you don't wanna complicate things, okay," I replied, hoping this would end soon and I could run home.

"You're just gonna say that?" he asked again.

"What else do I say?" I snapped.

"You should be mad! Dramatic! Annoying! Anything, you should be anything but okay about me being an asshole to you!" he yelled.

"Why do you want me to be annoyed and dramatic? Why can't I be okay with whatever you did? You don't make sense," I snapped again.

"I do! I do make sense! I wanted to work hard for an apology and you're just...okay with everything," 

"I am what I am, okay? Stop telling me how I should be!" I yelled louder.

"I'm just asking you why aren't you like, a total freaky girl? You make it so hard for me to anything because I literally don't know anything with you! You eat 5 pizzas at once and you drink chocolate milkshake like its water, you don't like or expect gifts, you hardly ever get mad and when you do... you forgive like this, you don't know how to handle yourself in those shorts and its so freaking cute, you like no dress at all. You're always reading or you're jamming to Linkin Park's new album, I just don't know what to talk to you, about football? Well, for how long? You're not even dramatic or anything that I have to hit my head on the wall and think of ways to impress you," he breathed, "I ignore you because I think we just won't get along. You did not even freaking kiss me back!" 

"But you see, I’m more of the type of girl who will wear jeans and my favorite shirt, instead of a short dress and new shoes. I spend more time finding the right book to read than applying my mascara. You will find me lost in a story or skating like a maniac or playing football in parks all over town, because that’s where I feel accepted. If you saw me you wouldn’t look twice, just because I am an average girl, a tomboy. You might wonder how if I'm a she or a he, but that's the most attention I'll ever get," I replied, "It’s just not fair though, that I am looked at as unapproachable because of it. No one will come up to me and smile to ask my name or how I’m doing, they just don’t know, that maybe, when I look up from my book they’d see eyes that hold mysteries and a mind that could tell you hundreds of stories. They don’t know that I could form their personality into a poem that actually speaks the truth of their thoughts, or that maybe if we fell in love, my heartbeat’s would only say their name in the stillness of the night. Or that, I'm the kind of girl who will have arguments on who will eat more food, or if you cheated while playing that video game or not. And no arguments about why did you forget my birthday and why didn't you notice my haircut!" I shrugged, "Yet I am just over looked, I don’t catch anyone’s eye, or attention when I walk into a room. Because my waist is hidden behind this tee shirt, and my face is covered by my hair and my smile is lost in a sea of sadness and confusion. Or maybe agitation BECAUSE ARGENTINA DID NOT WIN THAT DAMN WORLDCUP but the point is behind all of this, is a soul and a heart that is as deep and ever growing as the ocean, there’s so much to discover yet no one wants to jump in and take a chance because... I'm not Lola or Arshi or Betty! I'm not pretty, I'm not dramatic, I'm not annoyed at things boys do!" I completed and stood up, "Look, I really like you and all of that, but you're not going to tell me who I'm supposed to be, okay? I'm just the way I am and there's nothing I'm going to change about me because it doesn't appeal you or you don't know how to approach me. I am my own person, and this is the most I've ever spoken about me. Yes, I eat a lot and I don't know how to carry myself in shorts or Betty's clothes and honestly, I'm done trying to be like her or Lola or anyone that's not me. Because my true friends accept me for what I am, I've learned that. Sooo, yeah, that's about it," I completed and walked out of his room and grabbed my skateboard and left the house. I heard him call my name but this time I didn't turn back.