With You | Ant and Dec

Part Twenty

2 days later, Dec was beginning his road to recovery. Doctor Morris, a psychiatrist, was sat in a chair to the left of his bed while Anne and Ant were sat at his right. Anne held onto her son's hand while they listened to what Doctor Morris was saying.

"Okay, Declan. I'm just going to have a quick look at your notes and then we'll discuss what we're going to do, alright?" Doctor Morris was a lovely middle aged lady. She wore a smile and kindness twinkled in her green eyes. Anne felt comfortable about her treating Dec.

When Dec nodded and flashed a weary smile, the doctor stood and walked to the end of the bed so she could grab the clipboard that hung there. She looked at the papers before her, flicking the pages as she updated herself of her patients condition. When she was finished, she sat back down and held the clipboard on her lap.

"Right, what we're going to do is just have a little chat first, okay? Did you want your mum and friend to leave?" Dec's head snapped up and immediately, his eyes flashed with fear as he shook his head vigorously.

"No!" He replied, grip tightening on his mother's hand, "I'm sorry, but I want them to stay. Please don't make them leave," The Geordie tearfully spoke. Doctor Morris smiled kindly and nodded.

"Of course they can stay, Declan. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, okay?" Dec relaxed slightly and leant back against the pillows, "Okay, I'm going to just ask you a few questions. If you don't feel comfortable, just let me know and we'll move on,"

This made Dec feel better and he smiled weakly. Ant reached over and placed a warm hand on his best mate's shoulder and as Dec looked over, he smiled and leant into the touch.

"Right, let's begin," Doctor Morris smiled kindly, "How are you feeling mentally today?" Dec looked over at his mother and best friend before answering.

"Today, I feel loved and warm...like, I've been shown how much my family and friends really care about me. Before, I didn't feel that. I felt like a burden. I felt like everybody would be better off without me," He answered shakily. He avoided looking over to his mum and Ant, worried about how they would react, so he kept his gaze on the sheets covering his legs.

He heard the sound of a pen scratching and knew Doctor Morris was making notes. He then heard shuffling and risked a look. "Do you feel like you want to hurt yourself again?" She had asked, and Dec took a deep breath in before nodding.

"Sometimes I still want to," He answered.

"Why's that?" Doctor Morris asked.

"I feel guilty," He replied after a brief silence, "I feel guilty that I made people worry. I didn't mean to upset anybody, I thought me being gone was what everybody wanted," The room was silent now, Ant shaking his head. Doctor Morris noticed and turned her questioning gaze to the younger Geordie lad.

"You're an idiot, Declan," Ant said, "You being...gone...would kill us all more than anything! I've been so fucking worried about you since summer. I don't know what I would do without you, to be honest, pal," By this point, everybody was crying.

"Anth," Dec sobbed, "I'm so, so sorry!" He practically threw himself into his best friend's arms. Ant held him tightly and chuckled sadly.

"I love you, Decky," He whispered into the sandy hair, he heard Dec whisper back the same words and soon, a new pair of arms joined and Anne kissed both of their heads. The three stayed like that and Doctor Morris smiled sadly and quietly made her exit.

//

Christine McPartlin waited in the hospital cafeteria for her son. She took a sip of her tea and smiled as Ant came around the corner. Ant smiled at her and jogged over. Christine stood just in time to embrace her son tightly.

"How are you, sweetheart?" She asked, rubbing his back and pulling away. Ant grinned and they both sat down. Christine pushed the other cup of tea over to her son who smiled gratefully.

"Aye, I'm good. Dec's just finished his therapy session, and he's now asleep. Poor guy is exhausted,"

Christine smiled sadly and reached over to take her son's hand across the table, "At least he's getting better. I should pop over to the shop and grab him something. Just a little present or two for him," She wondered, making her son smile happily.

"That's brilliant, mam! I can keep you company. We can go this afternoon, when he's having his check up," Christine agreed, nodding her head and soon, the two were finished with their teas.

"Well, I would like to go see the little guy, shall we take a slow wander back?" She asked, standing. When Ant nodded, they both walked over to the exit, disposing of their paper cups in the bin and making their way over to the elevator to Dec's floor.

When they arrived, Martin was just arriving too, with his son. "Oh, hello, Martin, pet. Alfie, lovely to see you," Christine greeted, pulling them both into a hug.

"Hello, Mrs McP," Martin replied, smiling at the use of the his brother's childhood nickname for the older woman. Christine smiled too.

"My, you've grown so much, Alfie," She exclaimed, "You're turning into such a handsome young man," She said. Alfie blushed and smiled.

"Thank you, Mrs McPartlin," He replied quietly. Once Ant had greeted them both, the four of them gently pushed open the door. Anne looked up and smiled at the group.

"He's still sleeping. He woke up when the nurse came to check his pulse and everything, but then he went back to sleep," She replied, standing up to pull Christine into a warm, welcome hug.

"Oh bless him," Christine sighed sadly, walking closer to the bed and gently brushed back Declan's hair from his forehead. This caused the Geordie lad to stir and as his eyes opened, Christine apologised quietly, "I'm sorry, pet. I didn't mean to wake you up,"

That's when Dec's brain picked up on who was there and he sat up and pulled the woman, who he looks at as a second mother, into a hug and he felt tears well in his eyes again.

"Oh sweetheart," She kissed his head and stroked his hair, "You're being so brave, Declan. You're so amazing, poppet,"

Ant watched his mother and best friend embrace and folded his arms across his chest. He could feel his heart breaking inside of his chest and it hurt.

It hurt to see his best friend in pain. It hurt to see him crying. It hurt to know he has felt so lost and alone and Ant wasn't there to help him feel loved and found. It hurt so fucking much to know that his best friend, his brother, his other half!!! felt so crappy that he didn't even want to be alive anymore!

It fucking hurt.

Note from the author:
Well, this has taken me all week to write and it's still pretty crap. I've had an awful day at work. Had the worst shift I've ever had. I've felt like I wanted to throw up, burst into tears and punch somebody all at the same time. & to top it off, I've had my bike saddle (seat) stolen, so I had to walk 45+ minutes home rather than a 10 minute cycle. 😔 welp, at least I'm off for the weekend now. Sorry for the ranting, it's been an awful day but I hope you like this chapter. 😊 xx