ethereal (k.l.)

•FOURTY TWO•

should i make an instagram account that's about my stories and wattpad? i think it'd be cool to interact with you guys in the ways that i can't on here, like doing polls and q&as. what do you think? p.s...i could post sneak peeks and spoilers 😏

•••

"Can I please talk to you?" Rachel asked with pleading eyes.

I kept my expression blank as I answered. "No." I tried to shut my door, but she blocked it again. I let out an annoyed sigh, "I don't care about what you have to say, Rachel. You did what you did and I don't want to hear your reasons or excuses."

"Please, I need to tell you. I can't stand not talking to you." She pleaded with sad eyes. I stayed silent and I guess she took that as an answer. "Last year, around homecoming, do you remember when I was dating that guy Noah?" I nodded even though I didn't see how this had to do with her sleeping with Grayson. "Well, he dumped me for another girl, and I didn't tell you because you were happy at the time. It was before Grayson started spreading lies about you and you liked being with him, so I didn't want to ruin that."

I rolled my eyes, "Wow, that really explains why you helped him cheat on me."

"Just listen, okay?" Rachel pleaded. "I was really heartbroken over Noah. At homecoming, Grayson noticed how sad I was and he asked me what was wrong. So I told him about what was going on, and he consoled me about it and told me it wasn't my fault. I was really upset and was talking about how I didn't feel good enough for Noah and that his new girl was so much better than me. So Grayson started telling me how wrong that was and how beautiful I am, and it just happened." She could barely look me in the eye as she spoke. I wasn't that fazed by her story, even though I knew I should be. But at the end of the day, no matter the reason, she fucked up. She can't give me her excuses and expect me to be okay with what she did.

"I don't care, Rachel." I said nonchalantly. "I don't care about how it happened. I don't care what he told you or what you told him, or even what you were going through for it to happen. The fact is that you betrayed me and there's nothing you can say to take it back." Rachel stared at me with shock written on her features. I could tell she was expecting me to comfort her and forgive her, but I couldn't and I didn't want to.

I was finally able to shut the door and I could hear her footsteps walking away from the other side. I sighed out of relief before getting into bed. For once, I didn't feel overwhelmed or stressed about Rachel or any dramatic situation. I actually felt kind of peaceful. I stood my ground, spoke my mind, and I didn't regret it at all.

•••

There were times when random moments with Kian would pop in my head out of nowhere. Like our first kiss, first date, things like that. I smiled like a dork at those memories. But others were a different story. Whenever I thought about that day we told each other we were ready to take that step or when he snuck in my room while I was in a towel, I think about me wanting him in a different way.

All of this is so new to me. Those experiences with Kian are unlike the ones I've had before; the intentions were pure and loving. I get all tingly and warm when I think about it. Then I get nervous because I don't know how to deal with these feelings and what I want.

I knew that I wanted to lose my virginity to Kian. I didn't have any doubts about that. But I had no clue how to initiate anything. I'm so clueless when it comes to this stuff, and I don't know how Kian is attracted to me since I'm not seductive or sexy at all, I'm a dork with glasses and curly hair. Kian is the exact opposite. He's drop dead gorgeous in every way and every girl at school drools when they see him. That just adds onto my unease.