Chapter 31- Keep Fighting
"Hey Belieber, never lower your head to anyone who criticises you. Your crown cannot drop, my princess."~ Justin Bieber
Every girl has one ultimate dream, no matter how deep down it is; to be daddy's little princess. They want daddy to shower them in presents, take them everywhere, and be spoilt by him. Whereas some girls get to live that fairy-tale other girls do not. Instead one day they wake up to realise that, that fairy-tale doesn't exist anymore. It simply has just disappeared the face of the Earth.
A father is supposed to be a girl's first love and her ultimate hero. She is supposed to wish for a husband like him and pray that her son is just like him. Her male role model that protects her and gives her away to her second love. He isn't meant to leave her at a young age with no warning. He isn't supposed to just pack up and leave without saying goodbye. He isn't supposed to break her heart and trust in men. That is not a father. A man who does that is a sperm donor.
I can feel everyone staring at me, waiting for a reaction. Anything. But I cannot get myself to respond. For many years after his leaving I used to dream about seeing him again, him returning home. It was only the stupid dreams of a five year old. Right now though, in this moment I don't feel anything. For years he wasn't around and now that mom has gone he feels like he needs to fulfil his parental duties? I am only 17 for three months then I am legally my own person. I don't need him now. He is 12 years too late.
With these thoughts in mind, I cannot stop myself for snapping so rudely at him. "What do you want?"
I think it shocks everyone how hostile I am being because I notice their eyes widening. I am not a rude person at all. Well not until necessary. I like to give people a chance, but not him.
"I thought we could talk Amber?"
"Talk? You want to talk to me after abandoning me for twelve years?"
"Amber that is hardly fair-"
"You want to talk about being fair? You have no right. It wasn't fair when you just walked out on your five year old daughter. It wasn't fair when you didn't call her once or come down to see her. It wasn't fair that you just left without looking back. It wasn't fair that you broke her dreams and hope of everything. You didn't even say goodbye." Despite how hard I try, my voice breaks at the end and my strong facade that I kept up for many years slowly begins to break as tears brim in my eyes.
"Amber baby, I had my reasons. You have to understand that."
"They were more important than your daughter?" When he doesn't reply I scoff at him. "You were and still are a coward. God knows what my mother saw in you. For years I used to cry for you and she used to be able to take that pain away. When I grew older with me grew resentment for you. I used to voice it to mom, but she never once muttered anything bad about you. She was twice the man you were. She came to all my shows and performances. She used to be there for me when I fell. She fought all the boys who has crushes on me. She questioned every boy and threatened to hurt him if he ever hurt me. You know... for years I used to buy a Father's day card for you and wait, hoping you would come home but you never did. Then I realised I don't need you. I already have a father. Mom was the best dad ever. I stopped buying Father's day cards for you, instead bought them for mom."
There is a moment of silence as everyone takes in my words. My heart aches as I remember the fact that my mom isn't here anymore. It's times like this where we would sit in bed together and watch a comedy and eat ice-cream. She would wrap her arms around me and I would rest my head on her shoulder. A few tears escape and I don't want to wipe them away.
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