Always is not. Every day is.

chapter 8

          

No please don't do this....I feel disgusted.....You make me hate myself.....I want to live.... please don't squeeze  life out of me.....I am  a lot more than a sex toy.....Please somebody peep inside and see this heart.....It beats like every other heart.... Layken is a lot more than a body with well developed breast, pierced belly and that perfect curve of her hips...

I was screaming my throat out. I wanted to show this man that I do have a life inside. Inside this body that he admires, lives a little girl who breathes. A little girl who has lost her virginity to her father .A little girl who has experienced seduction and torment instead of love and affection. A little girl who has been exposed to sex at a very young age. At an age where other kids discover the fantasy of fairytales,

'Layken wake up, what's wrong with you?

A familiar voice breaks my comatose. I try to open my eyes but it feel as if my body is too exhausted to lift those beautifully curled eyelashes .I don't try hard. I keep them shut. I am breathing heavily and I can hear my heart pumping rather insanely. So yes congratulations Mr Dillon Shaw. I am alive. You've got more chances to make the hell out of me.

'Layken what on Earth has happened to you. Open your eyes dear I am scared. Tell me are you okay? What have you seen? Should I call the emergency? Answer me Layken what is wrong?

This time she squeeze me real hard and I somehow manage to lift my face and open my eyes. The dazzling sunlight hit my hazel eyeball real hard and I wink about a couple of minutes before actually being able to see the worried face beside me. It is Allon's. I can see a few mix feelings of worries and care in her dark brown eyes. I am blank. I feel so empty and inside I want to cry. She is staring at me with those intense feeling of care and I cannot look back into those eyes so I at once bow my head down. I started staring at my hand instead. My throat is choked with tears. I am on the verge of crying. I don't have enough guts to answer her. Not even in my worst nightmare I can think of loosing this girl. What if I tell her everything? An idea propel in my mind. Will she still stay the same or will she walk away. Will those hugs still stay warm or those cold nasty expressions would replace it. Will she love me with all those flaws that HE gave me or will she hate me like I hate myself? I don't know the answer to any of these.  So I keep staring at my flawless rosy hands with those perfectly filed nails. Irony is everybody admires this flawless body of mine except my own self. I've never felt like I am beautiful because surely a girl who has lost her virginity to her father can never be beautiful. She can only be impure and only purity is beauty.

'Layken are you okay? 'She ask with her soft tone again

I cannot help but nod back. I can't tell her all this because she is one of the two reasons that brought me back to life. That marks my living and I know this for sure that if I lose any one of them I will become a girl who has to breathe till death accepts her.

'Are you sure? I don't feel so?' Did you see anything bad?' She wonder again.

My mind is very weak to process her questions so I remain silent. For the first time during the last thirty minutes I lift my head up. She is still staring at me. I look directly into her dark brown eyes and there is something there that my heart calm down. It started beating back normally. My soul come to rest. The tears that were trapped in my eyes started flowing down my red rosy checks and started staining my crop top. She didn't stop me from crying instead wrap me around her arms. Since a very young age I was afraid of somebody touching me because this man has made me feel the tenderness hardness and coldness of this word. I never knew that being in somebody's arm can be this comforting. I don't know for how long I remained in this soft heaven. Neither have I known how much I cried or how much times she told me that she love me