Always is not. Every day is.

chapter 20

Layken's POV:

Heading to my old house , I don't know how to feel about it because on one hand I is actually happy about seeing my mother, hug her, see her smile but then again how can I forget about the monster that's living under the same roof as my mother. The devil of the house. My own father-by-name. Every time when I think about reaching my house and hugging my mother , I can feel his presence, like he's just waiting for me to arrive and as I near my house these feeling are overtaking my senses. But I have to be strong for myself, for Allon and especially for my mom cause she doesn't even know how much of a piece of shit my own father-by-name, his own husband is. And telling her about it is the very last thing I would ever want.

As I reach my house....I like to call it a house and not a home cause for me it was never a home....so as I reach my house I see my mom sitting on the porch waiting for me. As soon as she see my car in the driveway she jumps up. Well at least someone's happy. I sigh and got out of my car and is immediately engulfed in my mom's arms. She is hugging me sooo tight that it is actually getting harder and harder for me to breathe. "OH...my baby. How are you?? I missed you so much....Layken please don't forget about your mom and your father was also missing you so much...you didn't even call him. He was sad." My mom keep blabbering stuff like that and all I can think is that that bastard was actually missing me or my body or that pleasure he always gained from me....like yeah wow...and here my mom thinks he worries for his daughter. He was freaking sad for himself that he couldn't do anything to me now and well one less SLUT for him. Congratz.

Well she take me inside and show me her preparations for my arrival. Damn...she has outdone herself. The whole kitchen table is filled with all different kinds of food that I once loved and of course I am working on getting myself together because you know it's not that easy. When you go through stuff like this you actually start hating everything around you as well and that's when you know that you are now officially depressed because the things you once loved are not your love anymore. I know this is confusing so just let's drop it and get back to present.

So I'm awkwardly standing in front of my mom and she is grinning like crazy. It's actually creepy.

"Oh my god ...Layken you are so grown up..."my mom said

Ummm alright...

"Mom it's just been two months." I stated.

"But you are not my little baby anymore. You are all grown up and living your own life."

"Mom I had to grow someday. Look out for myself. Do something. Be someone. Everyone has to grow up. That doesn't mean I'm not your baby anymore. It's just that you wouldn't have to worry about me every second."

"Hmmm...you remember you were 10 and we went to Disney world together as a family. You, me and your father. You were asking me why you have to hold my hand and I told you because I don't want my baby to get lost...and you said to hold your hand always even when you are all grown up so that you wouldn't get lost....with this world. So that this world would not separate us."

"Uh hmmm" I hummed while remembering every piece of that golden memory.

"When you didn't call me every day like you promised I thought I lost you...."

"Oh mom ...you will never lose me.....I .....I will be always here with you."

I feel bad, very bad because it was not my mother's fault. She was totally unaware of the sins taking place under this roof and I never really thought about her when I left but it was the right thing to do. The only wrong thing I did was to ignore my mom as well who has always loved me, cared for me.....has always been there...

Layken's mom's pov:

"When you didn't call me every day like promised I thought I lost you...." As I said those words I could see that Layken was feeling very bad I didn't wanted her to feel bad I just wanted her to know that her mum missed her that I miss her a lot and I love her.

"Mum you will never lose me .....I.... I will always be there with you." She said silently.

She is sitting in front of me deep in thought probably thinking that how her moving affected me but I am happy for her so I decide to change the subject and I ask her about the photo album I gave her when she was 15 it consisted of all photos from her birth Till the age of 15 and she told me that she have it somewhere in her bedroom drawers so I excuse myself and walk towards her room thinking that we will just take a walk down the memory Lane together and just remember the happy Times.

I walk inside her room and it is just like she left it. I didn't touch any of her things because I wanted the room to stay the way she left it and move towards the cupboard drawers going through them one by one searching for the album.

Next I look through the drawing of her study table. Nothing there.

Then I move towards the drawers of her side table. There are a lot of crumbled papers so I decide to just sort it out and that's when I see something red...... I pick up the paper and is confused because it looks like that it is covered in blood, dry blood. Curiously I flip the paper, straighten it out and see something which literally make my heart beat faster...my hands starts shaking....I start sweating more and more with every word I read.........I....I....don't even know what to think...what to say. It is like my mind has completely shut down.

I am furiously shaking. And my knees give up on me and I am on the floor...on my knees with Layken's suicide note in my hand....tears are flowing down my eyes but I couldn't mutter a word.....or even whimper. It is like I have been struck with lightning and I can't do anything but just take the pain.

How stupid and blind could I have been that I couldn't see my own daughter's pain.

As the seconds pass the feelings are getting stronger and if you think about it's my fault.....if I would have known...if I could have just done something...

THAT FREAKING BASTARD took the innocence of her own daughter.....her OWN FREAKING DAUGHTER......

And I have failed to be a mother.....how she would have felt that .......obviously...she...she...s...she even tried to finish herself and I didn't even knew a single thing....if I would have just focused on her....I .....She..........s....

Then I hear the main door open and close and the consciousness hit me and I know who it is.....and oh my god Layken is downstairs alone....

I couldn't do anything before but Layken HE WILL PAY for his sins. I will make him pay.