La Muñeca

1.

"Soy el desesperado, la palabra sin ecos, el que lo perdió todo, y el que todo lo tuvo."
-Pablo Neruda

Song: La Trenza - Mon Laferte

"mama por favor.
I'll be a good girl I promise."

My young adolescent brain couldn't comprehend why I was begging and pledging but I knew something was wrong.
My hands held my painful private part, oh god the pain was unbearably physical hurtful but nothing like what was happening right now.

I kept wondering while my hands held my private part in place. It hurt .
Why ?
Now here I was as my mama drag me unknown hell.  Tears couldn't stope dropping form my eyes as I stared at the silhouette of my mother. I traced every wrinkle with my eyes memorizing what might be the last time I'll possibly see her again.
My mother shown an aged beauty, her once sun golden brown tan skin remind of of endless Arabic sands from my favorite childhood story Aladdin. 
But her skin was now dull, as if the sun no longer favor her as a flower.
Her shoulders always were pushed back showing her mix of pride and anger towards the world.
Her once bouncy black curls were now long filled with gray lines reminded you that black was impossible color. A twisted humor of life .
At one point my mother was most beautiful woman in her world.
White political men came from a far to have a exotic porcelain doll with matte finish a young girl like image in a woman's body.
But no one stayed long and those exotic green eyes that capture many turned weary and dark.
Her dark sunken eyes shown a weeping woman with too much pain from too many beatings.
Her beauty was gone, now she's a broken away. An old vieja.
To say I knew who my father was would be a lie.
But he was many men in many different years.
But this last one took what he took and my mother had nothing to offer of herself so he took one thing that was for the taken- her bastard of a daughter - Me.

She drove fast through the darken roads to unknown destination.  There were no street lights like the places like back home.
My cries and pleas surround both of us like the rain smell before the storm.
We both knew what was coming but we both naively ignored it.
She was dragging me to hell where I now had to pay for my sin.
After a while my pleads stop there was no idea to pled my case any longer.
I turn away as her appearance now made me sick to my stomach. My head leaned against the cold glass.
As my hot breath and watering tears make a fog against the window.
My fingers extend forward drawing exactly what I felt. Sadness
Two lines and one curve up C.
"Now leaving the United States of America."
Appeared before me.
As I now instantly knew this wasn't getaway but runaway.
"Reason for entrance?" asked one of the guards dressed in green while he tapped against our windows.
For a split second my body urge to scream for help but I cowardly hunched forward placing my hands in between my legs squeezing them to together.
Reminded me I'm a little girl and no one will believe me .

"We're here for a early mass at Rio de Dolor de Jesús Christo, we wanted to beat the traffic and get to the hotel to sleep for the night. We're really tired Sir."