Dreams - Dolan Twins Fanfic

Part 42: Summertime Sadness

Veronica's p.o.v.

The days soon melded together. My mom and I spent hours next to my grandmother's hospital bed; When she slept I was awake reading the book my grandma had started to read before she got sick and my mom did the same when I slept. The hospital was always so cold so we were constantly wrapped up in blankets and sweaters. The staff was very nice, letting us stay in the room after the visiting hours were over. Everything was so monotonous and the same; It scared me. It was early Sunday morning when I woke up. My mom must've fallen asleep sometime through the night because she still had the book open on her lap as her chest rose and fell slowly. I padded out into the hallway and wrapped my arms around myself as the cold air enveloped me. This area of the hospital was quiet except for the occasional new patient and family visits. I walked over to the small cafeteria to see what there was for breakfast. For as quiet as the area was, the breakfast was always freshly made and warm. I made a cup of coffee, grabbed an orange and a hard-boiled egg and sat down near the window. The view was decent with trees that lined the park below and the street was unusually quiet for this time in the morning but it was a Sunday one of the quietest days of the week. I sipped my coffee slowly as I watched the trees blow in the summer wind and the sun rise and shine on the morning dew of the grass. It was so calm and peaceful in the midst of the busy. 

After a while of sitting and thinking while I looked out the window, I got up and had my morning sob session in the bathroom, something I started to do almost routinely. I then composed myself and decided it was time to get out and get some fresh air in the city. I grabbed my camera before I left because I hadn't filmed a video in a while and the people following me deserved an explanation, or should at least be caught up.

I walked to my mom's car quickly; even though this area was quiet in the morning on a Sunday there were always some creepy characters lurking around ready to cause trouble. I drove downtown all the way up to the lakefront. It was almost the same as the lake and dock in the neighborhood near our house so it felt like home. I found a spot that was right by the end of a trail, with a bench tucked into some trees and bushes, and I set up my tripod. I took a deep breath and sat down on the bench and put my sweater back on to block out the slight chill of the lakefront air. 

I slipped on my mask and hit record. "Hey everyone, it's Rose. I know its been a while since a posted a video, things are just a little tough right now. Today I'm going to explain what's going on because I-, I guess in a way I owe it to you. I've seen the things you guys tell me, how I'm always there for you during different things in life that are difficult and it's unfair for me to keep my difficult time from you all when you share so much with me." 

I paused taking a look around at the crashing waves against the concrete, almost like a platform sidewalk. Refocusing on the camera, I said, "To start off, people are coming into my life from my past that don't have good intentions for me and come from a time in my life where I went through a really rough time. The success I have - all due to you, my fans - they have in mind to ruin and it's honestly extremely scary. For a while, due to those past experiences, I've had anxiety and mainly depression. I've always kept that side hidden because I wanted to be the one who was strong for everyone else and tough but I've realized over time that it's ok to show emotion. The people forcing themselves back into my life are just causing all the emotions I felt before to come flooding back and it's overwhelming."

"Along with everything from the past, I'd like to warn you about my next dilemma - although that's an understatement; If you have ever had a difficult time with a loved one being hurt, sick or dare I say losing them, please grab a pillow or a box of tissues because you might need them." I hesitated this time, for longer than I did before. This was going to be very difficult but I could get through it even with tears and maybe a few sobs, but I could do it. "Recently a very close family member of mine just went into the hospital. A while ago, back when those other things that I talked about were taking place, my family lost this particular person's spouse and that time was very hard to get through. I still every once in a while feel the ache of missing them just as bad as when it initially took place but since my relative went into the hospital, I've been reliving those memories in full force. Since I just recently moved to California, I dropped everything once I found out and went straight back to my home state to be with my family. To be honest I just as scared, if not more than before because I am one really emotional motherfucker and I really can't see my relative, as well as my family, go through this all to familiar situation again. There are a lot of variables to this situation that I won't speak out on due to the privacy of my family but the basic idea is that I'm terrified of losing another person that I love so much and have had around my whole life." I stopped and wiped my eyes. The tears were threatening to spill over hot and fast but I managed to hold them back and get out almost everything I wanted to say.