50 Shades Of GAAAAAY!

PewDieCry- Death & Regret.

I stared down my own refection, as if it had something to tell, a secret I didn't know about. My dull dark blue eyes stared back at me, showing that dead look I had held in them for years, even after his death I had tried to move on, like he had asked, but I had failed to do so. My brownish hair was a mess, the limp and lifeless strands stuck-up at odd angles, my normally tanned skin had turned white, a sickly pale white. Dark bags had taken residence under my eyes. All in all I looked dead...honestly I wish I was.

----flashback----

"Cry!" Pewds whined at he dragged me across the hall, the grip he had on my wrist never faltering. He led through a mass of people, I struggled to keep my breathing under control, large groups were not my thing, and they will never be. We pasted several stands and kiosks sell all types of gaming related memorabilia. We continued, untill we exited the arena, walking to the car park we found my car, Pewds offered to drive, since I had been feeling sick over the past couple of days, he started the car and carefully drove out, the destination was our home. We entered a motorway, both of us groaned at the large amount of traffic, we started to play silly games, like who could name the most indie games, or animals beginning with a certain letter. I had won all of them, naturally.

"Hey, its finally moving!" Pewds pointed out, starting the car again, a stomach ache began to irritate me, making my head hurt, but I quickly brushed it off when I was questioned in how I was feeling. I felt as though something horrible was going to happen, we came across an intersection, we waited to move, just as we were a speeding car collided with ours, the main impact was to the drivers side, as soon as the car hit, I felt weightless, then I hit the ground hard, smashing my right hand side in to shattered glass and bent metal, I cried out as a searing pain forced its way to my brain, emanating from my hip, I blacked out, the last thing I saw was the bloodied and battered face of the driver, of my Felix.

-

I woke up later, the white walls of the hospital room made the headache I already had ten times worse, I struggled to cover my eyes, my arms felt heavy, everything hurt, everything burned with pain. Soft sobbing could be heard.

"Mom?" I called out, the pain of not speaking for a while was evident, my throat felt dry. I opened my eyes, wincing at the bright light that flooded my vision. My mom stood there, her hair a mess, a tired look on her. She walked over to the bed, lacing her thin fingers with mine.

"Oh baby, I'm so glad you're alive..." her voice trailed off as fresh tears spilled from her eyes.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I felt sick, memories slowly came back. The car crash. Felix's bloody face...oh god.

"Is, is he dead..? Please tell me. Is he dead?" she hung her head and nodded, her dark hair hiding the tears that fell. My eyes stung, warm liquid fell from them, the person I loved so much, more than mu family, who had saved me from my stupidity was gone, was dead. An ugly sob escaped my lips, mom wrapped her arm around me, I hugged her back, but inside I felt empty, the warmth I would normal feel when I hugged someone was gone.

----end of flashback----

I watched as I began to cry, five years on and I'm still as broken as if it had happened yesterday. I showered and brushed my teeth, combing my hair once it had dried, I got dressed in a dark green jumper, black jeans and black converses. I headed out of my small apartment I had gotten after the...crash, and headed towards a bus stop. I had stopped driving, I was still scared of getting buses but it had to be done. The drive was quick, I walked through town to a local flouriest, picking out a selection of white and pink

chrysanthemum, carnations and roses. I paid and walked out with a grim expression on my face, I walked the rest of the way to the cemetery. Heading for one grave in particular. The headstone was worn from the heat and rain. But the name was still there.

'Felix Arvid Ulf Kjellberg,

A loving brother, son and boyfriend,

Oct 24th,1989- Sept 21st, 2009'

I gently placed the flowers beside the grave, my legs felt weak so I sat down, tears stung my eyes but I didn't cry, I was too scared to cry.

"Hey, long time no see right. Heh, I miss you, you know. I still love you, I haven't seen anyone else since...you know. I want you back, I really wish it was me instead of you, If I had driven instead, maybe this wouldn't have happened, we would be married." I broke down, gripping the lush green grass, after an hour, I stood, I had cried all the tears I had, but the pain in my chest was still there, still constricting my heart, blocking my airways. I gave a sad smile as I looked at the grave again.

"My sister had a baby a few days after you died, she wanted to call him Felix, I told her it hurt too much... He looks like you, smiley and bubbly like you, his middle name is Felix...he loves it. Bye, I love you." I began my walk back to the bus stop, at the gates of the cemetery I stopped, digging through my pockets I found a box of cigarettes and a small lighter.

"They'll kill you, you know." I heard the smile in the voice, along with the familiar Swedish accent, I held back a smile as I raised the lit cigarette to my mouth, I inhaled the toxic fumes, blowing out the smoke through my nose.

"Never stopped you, right?" I glanced in the voices direction, there he stood, his blond hair was matted with blood, a few clumps were missing, his cheek was scraped badly, I could just see his cheek bone, the whole left hand side of him was crushed, torn and barely hanging on to him. His ocean blue eyes were dull and blood shot, the fluid from one eye seeped from the socket. The clothes he had worn were torn and bloodied. A large chunk of his car door was impaled in his fair skin of his thigh. He didn't move and neither did I. For four years, I spoke to him outside the cemetery, talking to his bloodied corpse, for four years I spoke to my dead lover... I went mad when I was informed of his death. And I wouldn't want it any other way...

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Hey, I did a thing, and I finished the thing, I wrote the thing 3 different times untill I was happy with it, I don't really like it, I had to upload this again. I had some problems with it but I added more on. I'm sorry Rihanna for your broken feels. Hoped you liked it~Ember