Hows your day been? This took fucking ages to write, I don't even like the way I've ended it but screw it, and I wanna crawl into a black hole and sleep forever, anyways sorry this wasn't up the other day I got distracted and the oneshot I had planned to post was just a piece of poop and I didn't like it...or this one. But anyway I hope you enjoy this and yeah~Ember (Trigger warning: Self-harm and Suicide.)
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My whole body felt numb, my arms more so, I could hear the throbbing of my heart in my blood stained wrists, pumping blood out lazily, I felt the world slowly start to fade, darkness invading my sight instead of the bright white from the bathroom light. The only true feeling I felt, the one thing that wasn't numbed was serenity, inner peace. I had finally found it, after years of self-loathing, scars, dull razors and blunt knives, I finally found it again, the first time I found it, I found it in Him, in the one man I gave my whole heart to, but I knew it was a lie. He didn't really love me, He just pretended like I did but I truly love him.
"Cry? Babe are you alright?" Felix, the one who 'loves' me started to bang on the door, I tried to answer, to say it doesn't hurt anymore but no words leaved my mouth, only groans and half-hearted whispers.
"Cry? Are you..?" I could hear the sudden realisation in his voice, I forced my eyes on the light in the centre of the room, the light seemed duller, it's normal bright light grew fainter and fainter, like my heart beat and the banging at the door. A second later the door was smashed of its hinges, slamming against the wall behind it. Felix ran over, his feathery blonde hair seemed more...feathery, his burning baby blue eyes glowed with fear, worry etched on his features. He placed his hands on my wrists, stemming the blood flow when he placed pressure on them.
"Cry, look at me, please look at me..." he begged, I forced my gaze over to him, He looked angelic, he was shrouded in an ethereal light, my eye lids grew heavy, I felt them flutter shut.
"Don't close your eyes, please don't leave me." tears started to fall, the baby blue of his irises turned a shade darker.
"I'm s-sorry." I choked out, everything was still getting dark, except for Felix, maybe this was a bad decision, maybe he does really love me.
"Do, do you l-love me?" my clouded eyes met his tearful ones.
"O-of course, I love you, Loved you the moment I met you! I could never stop loving you..." tears fell fast, staining his pale cheeks. I smiled weakly.
"I, I love you too..." my eyelids shut, darkness filled my vision and thoughts, a buzzing echoed around my skull.
"Cry?" the voice didn't belong to Felix, it was feminine, groggily I felt around me, no longer feeling the blood soaked bathroom tiles, I felt lush and soft grass. I opened my eyes, expecting to see my Felix sobbing over my dead body, instead I saw clear blue skies, birds flew past, slowly I sat up, my gaze fell to my wrists, they had no scars, no inch deep still bleeding cuts, but they did have neat stitches in its place, I frowned as the voice spoke again.
"You made a mistake... Didn't you?" She asked, I nodded as I stood on weak legs, I looked around to find the owner of the voice behind me, I found my mother standing there, her dark blonde hair framed her deathly pale face, she wore a bright white dress that flowed in the breeze, her brown eyes were glazed and watery, as if she wanted to cry but could bring herself to do so.
"Mom?" I called out, disbelief laced my words, My mom had died during child-birth, leaving my father to look after me and Nathan.
"Hello sweetie." Her voice was sweet and smooth, she smiled widely, flashing bright white teeth, just like I remembered her, wait... I'm dead? Is this what dead is being like?
"Mom, am I dead?" I could help the tears that formed and fell.
"No baby, you're still very much alive, just..." she didn't finish, telling me everything I needed to know without opening her mouth.
"I'm as good as dead, aren't I?" I muttered as I sunk to my knees, suddenly the idea of being dead looked bleaker than my life.
"Honey, I'm sorry." She wrapped me in a tight hug, letting me sob into her shoulder. "He really truly loves you, even now."
"How do I go back, How do I get to him?" I asked as she pulled from the hug, a sad smile on her face.
"Just close your eyes, let darkness consume you again." She placed her hands on my cheeks, I flinched at the coldness of her skin.
"I love you, and Nathan. Tell him that for me please." I nodded as tears fell heavily, reluctantly I closed my eyes, letting the same darkness from before swallow me, after what seemed an entity light flooded my vision as my eyes flittered open. I studied the room I was in, white washed wall, medical equipment sat on a pale grey desk. The room was mostly silent, when I say mostly I could hear light snores. I glanced down at my lap, feeling something move slightly. A mass of light blonde hair and tanned skin was there.
"F-Felix?" the mass shot up, blue eyes wide and darting around the room. "Over here stupid..."
"Cry! You're awake!" he flung himself at me, his arms draping over my shoulders."I can't believe it, they said you wouldn't wake, I love you so much!" he started to sob, tears wetting the loose hospital gown. I felt tears prick at my eyes but blinked them away.
"I love you too." I said with a smile, I tightened the already tight hug, we hugged for ages, mumbling words to the other.
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Shitty ending I know but I can't write anymore, I'm sorry for wrong spellings or if I've used grammar wrong, I'm sleepy. Peace!
YOU ARE READING
50 Shades Of GAAAAAY!
Fanfiction*intense gayness may cause excessive nose bleeds.* ((I update on a whim. Yup)) **I plan on posting at least 50 parts before I even think about leaving Wattpad. Enjoy.
