For Better or For Worse

BONUS CHAPTER #1

The rain kept pouring endlessly and I thank God that I was only a few blocks from home. The road is blurry and dark because of the storm, and I do my best to control my emotions. I just finished a therapy session. I should be fine.

Why am I not fine?

Why do I still feel the pain? Why do I still feel empty? My heart felt numb, but it was painful. It felt heavier than a ton of limestone inside of me. It was unbearable, even after therapy. It was just my fourth session. Maybe that's why. I just need to get used to it. But getting used to it won't be good.

I drove my way home. If you call it home, that is. I just want this day to end. Sleep will be another good escape. There are times--every time actually, that I wish everything would be gone. Everything will be back to normal, everything would be where they are and would just stay there. Where things stayed the way they are supposed to, but then I realized that nothing in this earth is permanent.

Nothing is permanent. Everything changes. Things change, people change. Just like the seasons. Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, repeat. One month the flowers bloom, the next month they die. During the day the sun is up, at night the moon is. So why would we want things to be permanent even if they are not designed to be that way? You wish things to stay the way they are, but the universe will do what it can to not stay...because that is how life goes.

Seeing my place just a few blocks away, I was trying to get a hold of my umbrella below the passenger seat, but there was no luck. Someone's going to get wet just going home. I parked where I usually would, got my bag and my keys, and ran to the door. The cold rain hit my head, my hair, my face...but before I would be completely wet, the door opened and I instantly got inside. I expected a cold environment to welcome me, but I heard something cooking and the aroma is everywhere. The scent is different. It's a mixture of a good home cooked meal, a cozy fire, but I don't want to bother what's going on. I'm too tired.

It's obvious. My reflection in the mirror is snaring at me. A crazily made bun, huge and dark eye bags, dried sweat and tears. Disgusting. I'm just gonna get upstairs get changed and sleep, hoping I won't wake up.

"Oh, babe you're home! I didn't hear you." Carson comes over wearing an apron on his waist looking like--WAIT. CARSON?

WHAT?

He pats his wet hands on his apron before having them open wide enough for him to give me a hug but even before he could get his hands on me I stepped back until I was glued on the wall.

"N-no! Stay t-there! Don't touch me! What the hell are you doing here?" I yelled as my hand was locating the doorknob for me to run as fast as I can.

His brows furrowed. "Mia, what do you mean?" he asks with full sincerity. "Baby what's wrong? Are you hurt? What happened?" he tried to touch me but I resisted. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?

"Y-you s-s-shouldn't be here! Why are you here? What do you want from me?" I felt my heart pound, my body shaking, and my tears about to fall...and they did. They fell, just like I did once.

"Mia..." he says calmly. "Baby, tell me what's wrong?". YOU ARE THAT WHAT'S WRONG!

"Carson, why are you here?" I whispered, but still on guard.

He looks as if he was surprised with what I said and he laughed.

HE FREAKIN' LAUGHED?! What the hell?

I was there looking as scared as I would, and Carson is in front of me laughing as if what I said was a joke.

"Alright, I get it..." he says as he laughs. "What a surprise I get from you, this is why I love you so much, my best actress." he gives me a tight hug, I didn't hug back. "You've probably had a hard day at work, and it probably brainwashed you so hard. Or maybe the rain washed it away." he kissed me on the lips, but this time I kissed him back.

I allowed him to. He kisses my lips and that felt like home. So secure, so relaxed, so...us.  He removes my scarf as our kiss got deeper, and I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling us closer. I heard him moan as he nips on my lips and I smiled. Before I knew it, we were already on the sofa, I was on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, embracing me. I buried my face in his neck, and that is where I wanted to stay for eternity. I missed that. His scent, his embrace...

"Now we're okay are we?" he asks me and I nodded. "Would my wife want a glass of wine?"

"Wife?"

He chuckles. "Mia, you always make me laugh." he gives me another peck on the lips. "I have the most beautiful wife in the world, and she's right in front of me. And I will love her until the end. That's what I promised her."

"Wife?" I asked again but before I heard his reply, he had me sit on the sofa.

"Wait just right there. Don't move." he smiles at me and left the living room.

When he left, that was when I noticed the picture frames on top of the fireplace. There were pictures of me and Carson, even the picture frame he gave me on our first Christmas together was there. As I was about to reach that frame, that was when I noticed I was wearing my engagement ring and a wedding band. What?

"Okay..." I heard Carson's breathy voice. I turned and I was fighting back my tears on what I am seeing at this moment. He was carrying a small bundle in his arms that was covered in a warm, knitted blanket.

What...

"He woke up from his nap. He probably heard his mommy." he said softly.

"Mommy?" I asked Carson and he didn't reply back to my nonsense question that I should be asking myself.

"Do you want to hold him?" Carson asks and like on cue it cried. "Looks like someone wants his mommy." he smiled at me again.

One step.

He was in his arms, in a blanket.

Another step.

His cries were real.

One more.

He is squirming, I can see the mittens on his hands, and I can see his figure.

Almost there.

My angel is here.

By the time I was sitting beside Carson, I was bawling. Oh, dear God. Carson handed him to me gently and he stopped crying. He is perfect. It was the most beautiful face I've seen in my life. He has everything. Two strong legs, two arms, a beautiful face, the smell of talc and milk powder when I kiss his head. I was holding my baby. He's here. He's with me. Nothing would outstand this feeling.

"Yes it can." Carson says. Was I speaking out loud again? "I have a roof above my head, a good job, my son, and my queen." he said as he wipes off my tears.

It was perfect.

"Monique, your session is done for the day." a familiar voice called.

I woke up staring at the pearl white ceiling with tears still flowing down. A woman in formal wear caressed my hair, calming me down.

"You're doing better this time, Monique. Great job!" she praised me softly and gave me a sweet smile. "Don't forget what I told you before, okay? I'll see you next week smiling alright?"

I doubt that.