One Hell Of A Life

chapter seventeen: jj's birthday.

Em POV:

Now, I don't drink. I used to only have a cider or two whenever there was alcohol about, but that's all I'd restrict myself to. Stimulants can be deadly if you have a pacemaker.

I decided to completely cut out alcohol in 2016, back when I realised that I was only having a drink for the sake of it - and would much rather have a Fanta over a glass of red.

Also, I'm not allowed Red Bull, Rockstar, or any other energy drink as they thin your blood, making your heart pump faster. These can damage my artificial heart massively. Plus, in my opinion, you don't need alcohol to have a good time.

-

Despite the efforts with mine and JJ's birthday surprise, the eldest Olatunji still decided to throw a birthday bash round the Sidemen House.

He just would, wouldn't he?

All of us were to dress as if we were on a night out - which I don't really do anyway. I rang Freya for a hand:

"What's up, babes?" She answered the phone.
"You know because I've never been on a proper night out before..."
"Yeah?"
"What do I wear?" I sighed.
"Honestly, right, just wear a dress and a pair of heels. Or nice trousers. The outfit that you wore for the JJ Weller fight was peng." Freya assured. "If you fancied wearing something different to that, then I'm sure nobody would mind."

"Cheers, lovely. Appreciate it." I nodded, feeling a little more confident in myself.
"No problem. I'm sure that if it wasn't for you, Manny and Tobi, we'd all be going to the club." Freya replied.
"What can I say? I'm a real, real restriction but I protect your well-being from passing out on the floor after twenty shots." I chuckled.
"Thank you very much." Freya let out a light laugh, "I guess I'll see you tonight?"
"Sure thing, Frey." I said.
"Bye, Em." She ended the call as I brought the phone away from my ear.

A dress and a pair of heels...

After a while of decision making, I picked out a kaki pinstripe dress from Quiz that I'd never worn before, and paired it with Off-White white strappy heels. The dress was slightly flowy from the hips downwards, but clung to my waist, stomach and chest. It had two ties at the top; one around the chest area and one beneath, creating a gap where you could see my scar from my heart surgery.

The scar went all the way from the middle of my collarbones, down to just below my sternum. Now it had faded quite a bit, but at first glance you could still see a harsh, but faint, dark line as if I'd been ferociously stabbed.

Through my teenage years, I'd be majorly embarrassed about it, and wouldn't like to get changed in P.E. lessons out of fear of getting teased or mocked. Before football matches when we'd have to change into our shirts, I'd go into the changing rooms early and dress in my kit while nobody was there. For parties or special occasions, I'd only ever wear halter neck dresses because they covered up the damned scar. Every game day that I had while I was playing for Spurs, I'd cover the mark with full coverage foundation as it peeked through my football shirt.

I was scared that people would dislike me not only because I'm a black woman, but because I had a heart that didn't work properly.

Now, I guess, I'm not as bothered. One aspect that helps is how it's faded and not as noticeable. The other, is that I want to be able to inspire my audience to own what they have and never be ashamed of their body or who they are; colour, gender, whatever. And to do that, you have to be confident in yourself. That's what YouTube has helped me with the most, I guess.

However, just to fit in at the party, I did my best attempt at a natural eyeshadow ting. The only important thing I know about makeup, is that you never, ever put glitter shades in the crease. That shit is illegal in the makeup industry. Big fat no-no.