Let's dance

Fear

"Magnus, they are so cute." Max giggled and played with the kitten on the floor while Alec was carrying Dawn. "You already have a name for them?" Magnus asked watching Max with a smile and thinking how adorable Max was. They had a quiet breakfast with a bit of smal talk and laughing but mostly Max was talking. Alec was quiet but that was nothing new for Magnus and to be honest it wasn't bad. Alec made Magnus feel calm even his heart was beating out of his chest when ever they were close to each other. Magnus still didn't got over Alecs hazel eyes or his beautiful raven hair that became curly when it was wet. Alec stood a bit behind Magnus and watched him from behind without getting distrubed. Alec couldn't forget Magnus lips on his cheek and he always caught himself looking at them when Magnus talked or just sat there and looking stunning. "I read this book and there are cats called Church and Chairman Meow." Max answered and picked up the cat with the big tummy tickling it with his little fingers. "You look like Church...don't you." Max said making a deeper voice and Magnus chuckled about the funny voice. "I like Church. Why don't we call this one Chairman Meow?" Magnus asked and picked up the one who had the same eyes as Dawn but Max shook his head. "Sunrise would fit her...her eyes look like a sunrise." Max answered with a smile and Magnus looked at the cat in his arms. "That's a great idea...then we need a new Chairman Meow." Magnus chuckled and sat the cat down on the ground again. "What about you little guy?" Magnus asked and picked up the kitten who still had blue eyes. Usually they should all have a yellow orange color now but this one still had blue ones. "Biru." Alec suddenly said and Magnus turned around to look at Alec. "What?" Magnus asked and looked confused at Alec who bit his lower lip. "It's indonesian for blue...he has blue eyes." Alec answered and Magnus looked down at the cat then back at Alec. "That's true...you can speak indoesian?" Magnus asked and Alec shook his head with a light blush on his cheek. "I just remember this word because it's my favorit color." Alec answered smling shyly and damn Magnus could kiss him right now but he didn't. "That's a great name, Alexander. I love it." Magnus said happily and Alec blushed again but more this time. "I need to show you something...Max can stay. We just need to go to my office." Magnus suddenly said making Alec tense and Max got up walking to Alec. "I want to go with you." Max said and took Alecs hand making him relax again. Alec didn't take Bear with him today because Max was there and he couldn't imagine Magnus would do something like HIM but there was still the fear. "Max, you can wait here...we will be back in a few minutes, okay?" Alec asked looking down at his little brother with a smile. "Okay." Max answered and walked back to the kitten on the ground. Magnus didn't say anything and just smiled the whole time. "Follow me, please." Magnus said after Max was sitting on the groud lost in playing with the kitten. Alec and Magnus walked to Magnus office which was just as beautiful as everything in the house. "So..." Alec asked a bit awkwardly and looked around in the room avoiding Magnus eyes. "Sorry." Magnus breathed suddenly and before Alec could do anything else Magnus lips were on his.  Alec wasn't prepared for that and his heart stopped. Alec was frozen and didn't know what to do but when he closed his eyes he saw HIM. It was like everything was happening again and tears were starting to fill his eyes. He shut his eyes tighter but it only brought the tears out of his eyes which were now running down his cheek. Magnus pulled back when he tasted something stalty and when he saw it were Alecs tears he felt a sharp pain in his heart. He didn't know what was wrong and was scared he ruined everything but Alec just stood there eyes shut and tears running down his cheeks. "Alexander?" Magnus asked with a worried voice and a little whimper escaped Alecs lips. Alecs breath was fast and his heart was beating out of his chest. The kiss came out of no where and it was just too much right now for Alec. He had to get out of this even he would hurt Magnus with it but right now Alec couldn't stay. Without saying a word Alec turned around and walked with quick steps out of the office. Magnus didn't know what to do and just stood there regretting what he just did. Why did he have to do that? Why did he have to ruin that and this before their first dance? Magnus could slap himself for doing that but he couldn't help himself. Alec whipped his tears away and tried to seem okay for Max even he was near a breakdown. "Max, we need to go...I wait in the car." Alec only said to a confused Max but before he can ask any questions Alec was gone. Alec just wanted to get out of this and the he felt like throwing up. He sat in the car and took a deep breath trying to calm down but the tears were burning in his eyes. Magnus stood still on the place Alec left him unable to move or to feel anything right now. He shouldn't have kissed Alec but Alec gave him a feeling that made him feel alive. Magnus heard the door shutting and walked to the catroom seeing that there were only the cats and Max was gone. Magnus slid down the wall his knees to his chest and leaned his head back. How could he be so dumb? Everything went so well any now everything went straight down the hill. "Why do we have to leave...I couldn't even say goodbye!" Max conplained with a pout sitting down in the car and Alec started to drive. "Dad called. He needs my help." Alec lied and even he hated to lie to his little brother he couldn't be honest now. Question were runnimg through Alecs mind and making him even more nervous. How should he dance tonight with Magnus? How should he dance with Magnus ever again?  He really liked Magnus and he wished so bad he could just enjoy the kiss but he couldn't. The fear was too big and he didn't know if he would ever be ready for something like that but right now he was fare from it. The fear was taking all his happiness away he just felt a few minutes ago and now he didn't saw a light in the dark. Alec hated that he couldn't be normal and kiss someone or touch someone but he couldn't change it. He tried and it only broke him even more because he failed all the time. It was like he made 3 jumps forward and 10 backwards making a mess out of his mind. He hated HIM for ruining his life but most of all he hated himself that he let HIM ruin his life. Alec would never forgive himself that he was so stupid but he was young and in love with the love. He promised himself he wouldn't let this hunt him anymore but he broke it and he knew he could never keep it. Today only proved more how broken Alec was and that his life would never be normal again even he tried. The biggest and hardest question that bothered Alec right now was if he should really sign the contract for the next 6 Months...//tbc I'm sorry...really sorry. I like angst😔😔😔😅❣❣❣❣