My Crush | ksj

20 - Hate

I stared at Jimin, who playfully hit Yoongi on the arm, the two of them in their own private world. My teeth crushed the piece of lettuce in my mouth as if it was granite. Was I jealous? No, it was more the feeling of injustice. My eyes caught Seokjin's, both of us not really happy with this whole situation. Of course it was the best moment of my life when he sort of confessed to me, but what was it worth when I was still trapped in a relationship? I pushed my salad around in its tiny plastic bowl, all of this had made me lose my appetite.

"Anyway, I really crushed Chanyeol in Overwatch last night", Hoseok leaned over the table, trying to make Namjoon and me listen to him. I simply nodded, not really paying attention to what he said. My eyes were still fixated on the horribly cute scene in front of me. Jimin was much more bearable when he was annoyed by everything.

"Hayoon?", my head slowly turned to the calm voice calling me out. Weirdly, it was one of Taehyungs's friends. Jeonghan, if I remembered correctly. Him just standing in front of our lunch table was slightly creeping me out.

"Yes?", I hastily pitched my voice a bit higher at the end, remembering my act.

He grinned, of course he didn't take it seriously. Jeonghan seemed like one of the few of them with more than two brain cells. "I was wondering if you know were Tae is?"

I furrowed my brows. Yeah, my boyfriend didn't attend any of his classes today, but that was nothing unusual. He was probably in the city, meeting some new girl he'd fuck once and then never text again. Like I said, everything as usual.

Jeonghan seemed to take my silence as an answer, by now everyone at my table followed our little conversation. He pursed his lips, thinking for a moment "I just heard that it was his mother's death day today. Aren't you paying her your respects?"

Oh shit. I took out my phone, the lock screen confirming what Jeonghan had just said: November 22. Fuck. As much as I despised everything about Taehyung, his mother had been a good person and I knew how much she meant to him. I sprung up, almost elbowing Namjoon in the face. In a rush, I apologised and started walking out of the cafeteria quickly. God dammit, I was an idiot.

The bus was mostly empty, except for a few old ladies on their way to go grocery shopping. I leant my head on the backrest, mindlessly watching the rain drops race down the window. It was breaking my heart; Taehyung was probably alone on the first death day of his mother. And all I thought of was him having sex with other girls, I was so selfish. No matter how much he ever hurt me, not even the worst person on earth deserved to deal with the loss of a parent on their own. I didn't even know what I was going to do, but I at least wanted to try.

It was still raining as I stepped out of the bus, shivering. My uniform wasn't exactly made to keep me warm from the freezing winds. Unsure of where to find him, I walked through the big metal gate, taking in the intimidating atmosphere. I had never been to a graveyard, so I just slowly started walking down the main path. The big oaks planted everywhere offered a bit of shelter against the rain.

"Excuse me, miss, may I help you?", a middle-aged man quietly asked, making me jump in surprise.

He seemed to work here, so I shyly answered "I'm looking for a woman who died last year"

The man sympathetically nodded, pointing at the far end of the site "The newest graves are back there. My condolences", he bowed before walking away. Without his help I'd have never found the way.

I followed his directions and from about 20 metres away, I saw Taehyung. He was wearing a black coat, his figure far more hunched than usual. He was biting his fist, trying to muffle the sounds of his crying. I'd never seen him like this, so I just stood there in shock for a minute. Dammit, Hayoon, get it together.

With careful steps I slowly approached him "Hey, Taehyung. I'm sorry for not coming earlier"

He lifted his head, his hair completely drenched from the rain. He never wanted to show his weakness, I knew that. Last year, he had waited two weeks before telling me of his mother's death. I still didn't know why he hadn't wanted me to be there for him. But this time I was determined to help him.

"Fuck off, you wouldn't have come if Jeonghan hadn't asked you", I flinched at his words. Taehyungs's voice was sore and raspy, he had probably been here all day. I wanted to answer, but he was right. He absolutely was.

"You really should get a rest or you'll get sick", I stammered. He snorted as if my suggestion was insane.

"Nobody's here, Hayoon, stop acting", he hissed, biting his lip to stop it from quivering. I froze, a sharp pain in my stomach.

Taehyung mustered my expression, shaking his head before grinning "Or do you really still care?", he took a step in my direction. I didn't. He meant nothing to me.

"You still think you can fix everything by acting nice, don't you? That you'll forgive yourself? You're so fucking dumb", his voice grew louder. I trembled, he'd never spoken to me like this before. "Oh, I know you, Hayoon. You feel morally obligated to come here and then WHAT? We hate each other, there's nothing you can do. Do you think I'll stop being an asshole if you hug me or something?", he laughed out loud at his own statement.

"Taehyung, I – ", my voice was merely a whisper. My wet hair and clothes clung to my body, capturing it in an ice-cold shell.

"Taehyung WHAT? Why can't you be reasonable for once? I hurt you ever since we met. Hell, I only answered your first text to fuck with you!", he spat out the truth I never wanted to hear. I covered my ears, wanting to escape his screaming. But he yanked down my arm, forcing me to listen.

"I hate you, Hayoon. And the only right thing for you to do is hating me back. Why do you refuse to do that?", Taehyung's voice was calmer than before. He looked in my eyes, pain plastered all over his face. Was this really what he wanted? I hadn't even noticed the tears streaming down my face. He turned around, slowly walking to the exit. This didn't make any sense.

I finally found my voice again and screamed at him with all my might "Then let me go"

Taehyung's head turned, a weak smile on his face "Never"

A/N: HI! As I posted yesterday, I wasn't really able to upload and I wrote this chapter just now actually. Although it didn't start that depressing, that's how it ended up :( to cheer you up, I put a cute yoonmin gif as the title at least. I really hope you enjoyed this and there'll be a bit more Jin content in the next chapters again, I promise! Love you all, have a great day!