My Crush | ksj

19 - Good

~Taehyung POV ~

I stared at my phone, waiting for a text I knew would never come. With a sigh, I decided to finally answer some of the desperate girls in my DMs. Hurting them gave me a bit of relief at least. I bit my lip, hesitating for a slight second. Maybe I should stop it. Maybe I should act like a proper boyfriend for once. But it was too late now, wasn' it? Hayoon was long gone, and she had every right to hate me, she truly did.

2 years ago
"hey... it's Hayoon from ur grade. I was wondering if ud like 2 talk?", I reread the message, still unsure of what that shy girl wanted from me.

"Dude, just ignore her", Jaebum threw a glance at my display, furrowing his brows as he sipped on the milkshake we had just bought. He was right, Hayoon didn't fit my type at all. I should just leave her on read.

Sehun chuckled, before proposing what would get me into all this trouble "Or you play with her for a while", his eyes sparked.

I shrugged, unlocking my phone to answer her. This seemed like fun, what could go wrong?

_

"Tae, you're STILL texting that Nahoon girl?", Jeonghan raised an eyebrow.

I hastily covered the display with my hand "Her name's Hayoon. And yeah, so what?"

The older one mustered me for a moment. Not like any of my 'friends' would understand. They didn't even know of my personal struggles. None of them ever asked.

Jeonghan seemed to have given up his brief inquisition. He smirked and patted my arm as he got up to attend his next lesson "I just don't think you're the kind of guy to make girls happy for more than a few weeks"

I scoffed, swallowing my answer as I didn't want to start an argument. My display lit up, indicating a new message.

"I'm sure your mom will get better soon! :) x"

I smiled.

_

"FUCK, Oppaaaa", the girl moaned but I didn't particularly care for her at the moment, more for her body. I finished with a groan and quickly pulled up my pants. While she babbled on about having admired me for a long time, I just nodded and pulled out my phone again, a text from a few minutes ago.

Hayoon
"I'm waiting for you in front of ur classroom :)"

Shit, shit, shit. I peeked through the slightly opened door, she must have heard everything. God dammit, why did that stupid Jimin bitch have to scream my name at maximum volume? Speaking of her, she STILL talked about going on a date or some shit. I gave her an annoyed look and mustered up the courage to walk out of this room. Why was I even scared, this wasn't my first time hurting someone?

Hayoon smiled. She just heard me having sex with another girl and she simply smiled at me. What the fuck. Admittedly, her mascara was ruined and her eyes red and puffy, but she didn't yell at me or walk away, the usual two reactions. I cursed myself out mentally. She was in love with me.

_

My father had done it again. Screamed so loud that I wanted to run away, that is. Yes, I was a failure, but he didn't have to constantly remind me of it. My mother had only been dead for two days and I wanted to follow her already. Strangely, I hadn't gathered the courage to tell Hayoon yet. It was the thing that connected us in the first place – her helping me through this living hell for some reason. The funny thing was, I hurt her all the time and she didn't complain. In fact, she always explicitly stated that she forgave me everything. What was wrong with her? Hayoon's selflessness made me be all the more selfish, I wanted to hurt her more, until she would finally realize that I was a lost cause. I hated her for believing in me with her sheepish naivety.

"u know maybe we two rlly could be something more... but I have a favour to ask first", I hit send, my stomach turning as I noticed my own satisfaction.

_

present day
And here I was, staring at my ceiling. Hayoon still was the only good thing in my life, she made everyone shut up about me being a loser. At least I had a successful, pretty girlfriend. But now, I had finally achieved what I wanted so bitterly at the beginning of our relationship: She gave up on me.

If this was what I wanted, then why couldn't I let her go? The first time she had ever threatened to leave me, something snapped and I pressured her with the nudes she had sent me. Although I didn't love her, I couldn't afford to lose the only truly good person in my life. And it made me hate myself all the more. However, if I was the villain in her story, then I'd be at least excellent at that. 

A/N: GUYS it was hard to write this bc i love taehyung and i tried to justify his actions a bit. also, the other idols are mostly in this story because ayyyy cameos and they are (roughly) around the same age as tae so they could be in the same grade i guessed (i love all of them but needed some evil squad for tae so SORRY if your fave is not depicted as nice in this story) anyway, i hope you enjoyed, please leave some feedback and don't forget to vote!! have a great day <3