My Crush | ksj

Epilogue - Closure

Dear Hayoon,

I am writing you this letter in hopes of... I don't know. Closure, perhaps? First of all, I should probably acknowledge what a piece of shit I was to you. There's no excuse for the way I acted, although I kept on making up excuses for myself.

The truth is, from the very first message you sent me, I wanted to hate you. Because as much as I tried to be repulsive and mean, you kept on being my friend, kept on supporting me. You kind of grew on me and I hated that. After all, you know what a stubborn bastard I am.

What I truly want and have to apologize for is blackmailing you - I don't even know if that's possible though. Losing you seemed like another defeat and I already felt like a gigantic failure. However, that does in no way justify my actions, especially the way I wanted to keep Jin and you apart.

I wasn't jealous - because I never was in love with you, Hayoon. He was competition and his (tbh really cute) actions made me notice how horribly I really acted towards you. Again, this isn't a good enough apology, and I don't even know why I care so much about you reading these words from me. I guess, since we'll graduate soon, I don't want to leave with bad feelings attached to my school memories. Is that selfish? The answer is probably yes. But I've been that way ever since I was born.

So, dear Hayoon, I hope you go on to live a wonderful life. I heard that you'll move in together with Seokjin, hopefully he keeps on treating you as well as you deserve it.

Hell, I don't even know if you'll read this letter, but if you do, please apologize to everyone in my name. Because ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶ ̶c̶h̶i̶l̶d̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶...I̶'̶m̶ ̶t̶e̶r̶r̶i̶f̶i̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶Y̶o̶o̶n̶g̶i̶ It would mean a lot to me.

About me? Well, I'm unsure of what to do, I'll definitely move out and maybe study something. I was thinking of becoming an attorney, can you imagine that? Lol, me neither.

Anyway. Thank you for being my friend, in some way.

Goodbye Hayoon,

Taehyung