For The Love Of Parker

16 | Your Mind

P A R K E R

16 | your mind

SEAN'S MAKING SANDWICH for me to eat and I'm a bouncing up and down, a clear definition of a nervous wreck. I haven't eaten in so long. What's going to happen to me now?

"For the umpteenth time, Seany, I'm not hungry." I cry out glaring at his back.

He turns around glares at me back, before placing a plate of a wonderful looking sandwich on in front of me. "First off, don't call me that. And secondly, I was in the morning, you didn't eat breakfast. At lunch time, some kid came and whisked you out. You haven't anything all day, that I'm sure of. You're basically running on liquids." He says picking and dropping a bottle of water that was half empty. "I don't even know how you're still walking."

I sigh, tired of all this. I just wanted to lie down after school and rest my head but no, Sean just had to come on the minute I changed into something much more comfortable. At first it was fun watching him cook, he wore a half sleeved white shirt with dark jeans. I could see his beautiful tattoo out on display and I spent the time admiring it. That is until I find out that the food he's making is for me. I didn't ask for anything!

"I've told you. I. AM. FINE."

"Then eat." He pushes the plate closer, looking exhausted too. "Please Parker just eat this so I won't worry too much. And I already made it."

I look at the sandwich and just the thought of eating it makes me feel like throwing up. When I look back at Sean, he's urging me on with his brows. After another sigh, I pick up the sandwich and tentatively take a bite. It's really yummy and I successfully chew it and swallow it down. I take another bite and it's at the third bite that everything starts coming back out. I rush to the sink and throw up, Sean rushes to my side in a matter of seconds and holds my hair up behind me, his hand rubbing soothingly on my back. I throw up everything and when I'm done, I'm a heaving mess, my eyes clouded with moisture. Sean silently pulls me into a hug and gently pats my back.

"Oh Parker, what am I going to do with you?"

I hug him back even tighter, afraid that if he let's me go, I'll just fall.

Sean cups my face, tucking my hair behind my ear and using his thumb to wipe the gathered moisture that have now rolled down as tears. "Parker, are you okay?"

I say yes in my mind but my head shakes out a no. I'm not fine. Not in the least bit. I'm crumbling on the inside and I don't know what to do about it. I'm ashamed, disappointed and disgusted in myself for contemplating suicide, even if it was just a short while but that's not me, old Parker would never do that.

I want to mourn Bryce but how do you mourn your missing rib? I've never lost someone ever and I've always been the softy type. Now the first person I lose is someone who has been with me since day one. My confidant. My best friend. My first boyfriend. My Bryce. The only person that knows all about me and has never abandoned me. The one who has always been here. And I feel its all my fault.

It's all my fault.

"Its-- it's my fault." I shaky say. I don't have the right to move on. I don't want to.

"What? What are you saying Parker?"

I don't get to answer him because then there's a loud obnoxious knock on the door, startling us both. I free myself from Sean and run upstairs to freshen up while he checks up on who's at the door.

I clean up my face, applying a little makeup to my now very pale face. And changing my shirt to another one. When I come back downstairs, I see Sean glaring at Clement who is inside the living room picking up pictures from where they were placed. Not that they are much pictures anyway. Trey hates pictures.