Scattered Stars

Chapter 6

Passed by a few shacks today.

***

Dian (after he went to bed #chapter 2)

I woke up later that day with the feeling of someone shaking me, trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes and came face to face with Jabu, "hoe vol jy?[how are you feeling?]"

"My kop en hand is seer. [My head and hand hurt.]"
To be honest, the pain in my head felt like my skull was being pulled apart, but I didn't want to worry Jabu.

"Well somebody here to see you, I can chase him away if you want." Her Afrikaans has always been better than her English, but she tries.

Sitting up I winced at the sharp pain in my hand.

Jabu notices and offers me a glass of water and pain block pills, I take the pill and place it on my tongue and I use the glass of water to send the pills down my throat.

"Who is it?"

"It's Pete."

I sat the pillows on my headboard, leaning on them so they could cushion my back as I tried to get into a comfortable sitting position.

"Send him in, it's fine." I know I haven't seen Pete in a long time, but I know he visited me all the time I was in the hospital, and even when I came back home and refused to speak to anyone he would sit right outside my door.

She nods, "do you need anything else?"

"I'm a bit hungry."

"I'll make you two a sandwiches, he'll be up here now-now."
She then leaves.

After a few moments Pete knocks on the door even though it's not closed and sticks his head in," can I come in?"

I just simply nod.

He then sits on my chair that's sitting around my study table and has my computer on it. He rolls the chair until he's sitting beside my bed.

We both just sit there in silence, me looking at my blue silky bed sheets and him looking at his hands.
He looks up at me to say something but he catches sight of my mummified hand, and creases from between his eyebrows.
"What happened?"

Honestly speaking I don't know what to say to him, do I tell him that I'm having fucking world war infinity in my head and my demons keep taunting me, so I lashed out.

I unconsciously bring my mummy hand to my unharmed hand almost like I'm trying to hide it, I feel self-conscious like he's going to judge me.

"Mirror." That's the only word that manages to escape my lips.

He looks shocked and keeps looking between my hand and my face. Pete is not stupid so it won't take him long to decipher what I'm talking about.
I don't know if he has figured out what happened or he just notices I don't want to talk about it, and he just nods.

"How've you been doing?"
I look at him thinking about how to answer his question. How have I been doing?

• I've been miserable
• depressed
• distant
•I feel like I've lost touch with reality and I'm only living in a dark cloud full of nothing but darkness, no sign of light ever coming in.

But I opt for the simpler answer," Okay."

He studies my face for a while then nods. I know he doesn't believe me but I hope he can see this as progress from me just refusing to talk to him to me attempting to utter a word to him.