D!fferent L!fe

Log 24

"Months have passed.

Everything is so close to falling apart. It seems like as the year started rolling to a close the tensions people had started climbing. E doesn't remember anything... not the argument, not the potion, nothing. She's joined my little Friday adventure group but even that has stopped meeting as often. We manage to find time maybe once a month if we're luck. It seems like the work load for everyone keeps climbing as people get more and more backed up. The fact that Death isn't here seems to have the building falling apart. It's like people are missing the glue and are just struggling to hold everything together.

This blackmail thing hasn't stopped. It started with the Virtues and switched to the Sins... I hated those months. I felt like I was to obvious. I refused to invade there personal files after reading the full file on Anger. I feel like I would rather avoid information that can completely change the way I see my friends. Envy and I haven't been on the best terms for a while and the sins are all on edge. Lust eventually came back but things didn't go back to how they were. We all acted like co workers and not friends. It was lonely...

After the sins the information bounced around to different departments. I tried to focus on not being obvious but there was only so much I could do.

I moved out of Lucy's and into a shared place with Flora and Fauna. We all chip in for rent and the girls give me my space. I can tell they have there secrets but I have mine so stay out of it. Flora seems far more comfortable around me now and Fauna is as outrageously outgoing as always. I can't say how many times I come home to see her on the couch watching TV in borderline nothing.

She really doesn't care so I pay no mind to it. Not like we all don't know what a naked person looks like.

...

I'm going to change topics now.

It's almost June and things are still weird. It's been weird for so long it feels normal now. With the summer heat starting the days seem to be getting more stressful. There hasn't been any progress made on any front in all this time. The only thing I can say is that I now have a full book of information. It has at least something about every single person in the building. The only person I can't really find anything on in Death. Adder is pretty much a dead end as well. It's been frustrating none the less.

Puck has been as annoying as ever. We've started meeting away from town instead of at Azazel's shop. I have refused any more of his games. I still have no idea what that second punishment was and it keeps me awake at night. As much as I try and rationalize my whole life I always over stress. At this point I've become some kind of robot. The days pass and nothing feels like it's moving...

It's already June... fuck in two months it will have officially been a year sense I've started working here....

What have I done in that time?

I've lied, to everyone. God I never change.

The demon issues are still present and slowly have been getting worse. The stress is making me lose my shit more often and I'm burning for a release, or at least some sleep.

As of recording this I haven't slept in.... hmmm....three days? I'm tiered none the less. So tiered I had to record this instead of writing it like normal. I couldn't keep my hand steady enough.

The fact of Lucy knowing isn't and if statement anymore. She knows I'm not okay and that something is wrong but I don't think she knows how or why, that's the only thing keeping her from coming to me about it. I don't know what I would do if she did. No one lies to mom.

Except for me.... yaaaaaay.

Anyway. Im running out of space in this recorder. This is the end of record log 4 and written log 24."