Fix Me Up (Unknown Succubus Series book 2)

Second Thoughts

Jasper was so comfortable in the sky. Flying thousands of feet above the ground didn't twist up his stomach or have a cold sweat form on the back of his neck. He'd been raised knowing how to thrive on both land and in the air. Then again considering he could turn into a giant lizard with wings he had nothing to be afraid of. If he fell off a building it was no problem.
Every time I sat on his back with the wind pulling at me every which way it forced the stark realization that I fall could very well be the end of me. I had no back up plan to keep me from becoming a flattened pancake. The view beneath us was beautiful if not a bit daunting. Having to rely on him not to let me fall to my death was difficult. Trusting someone with my life wasn't easy. It made me think that he took me flying just to force me to trust him more. I can't really keep him distanced if he's the one keeping me from a long plummet back to the ground.
"Do you just enjoy scaring me? This has to be a sadistic game for you!" I shouted over the wind after he'd dipped to the side and almost sent me rolling off of his back for the fourth time in an hour. He definitely laughed in response. My legs were straddling him tightly to help me heel my balance and each time he turned they nearly squeezed the life out of him. Jasper landed at the edge of a steep cliff. My experience with flying lent me the skills to slide down his back like I was on a jungle gym.
"I wanted to speak with you privately." Jasper's rough voice rumbled behind me and I turned to see he'd shifted into his human form. My brow raised in mild surprise. We could speak privately in his castle but what was so important he felt the need to take me so far away.
"About?" I asked cautiously. Considering my track record this conversation could go well or I could get my ass chewed out. It was likely he'd found out just why Killian was suddenly so obsessed. Or maybe he knew about the gargoyle.
"As your ally I feel as though I shouldn't keep this from you. Aspen, I would like to have a formal relationship. To court you openly." He spoke confidently but the tips of his ears were bright red.
"Is now really the best time? We're about to go to war... with someone who was your friend not that long ago." My words came out in an exasperated tone. It seemed as though every time I started to get comfortable with someone they wanted more. There was no set pace it was all just rushed. Despite knowing that being a Succubus was the cause it still caught me off guard each time a formal relationship was offered.
  "There is no perfect timing. You attract so much trouble that it's one thing to the next and if I do not make my feelings known now there will be no time in the future for me to do so." Jasper replies with an almost bitter expression.
  "I just need a minute to think." I mumbled before turning around and taking off in a run. This was all way too fast. We barely knew each other. Hell, our lifestyles were completely different. I certainly owed him for saving me from Luke but that didn't require me to agree to his offer. Without knowing myself I couldn't share my life with another person. I needed to find my own identity before I could grow with someone else in a relationship.
  He had called after me but I didn't stop. There was no glance back over my shoulder or hesitation in my steps as I continued to distance myself from him. Jasper had been nothing but kind and helpful to me in the entire time I'd known him. He genuinely seemed to care about me as myself and not as a Succubus with her own kingdom. I wasn't a pawn for him to gain power by using. But all he'd done was protect me. Jasper had never seen me at my strongest. He enjoyed taking care of someone and I wanted to take care of myself. I fed from people for strength and I didn't want to risk hurting him in the process. This life was still new to me. I had a lot to learn and a lot to accomplish.
  Courting and marriage was the last thing on my mind. There were so many things I still didn't know and I wasn't going to drag another person down with me. My baggage was too much for anyone else. Besides I was a magnet for trouble. It was my fault Jasper was preparing for war. If anyone died it would be their life in my hands. I needed to face my problems without hiding behind someone to protect me. No one deserved to be sucked into my messes. Maybe I shouldn't have let Jasper save me from Luke.
  There would be no war or risk of anyone getting injured. Luke was an evil I needed to handle myself. He was too powerful for any of my friends or even Jasper. I was the only one who could rival him in power. But I was too weak and ignorant of my own powers to be on equal footing. He had an endless supply of energy to feed from whereas I was too guilty to use others in that way. I'd fed from Killian but not enough to injure or kill him.
  "I shouldn't be here. This was a bad idea." I grumbled to myself sourly. My stomach twisted into knots as I slumped against a tree trunk. I was having serious second guesses about staying here and causing a war. Maybe I should've taken the gargoyle up on the deal and gone back. Maybe there is still time to prevent bloodshed.
  As my thoughts ran in circles inside my head Jasper  found me. He approached delicately, almost as though he was trying not to spook me. We didn't speak again until we were back in his castle. Things were tense but my resolve was strengthening. I knew what I needed to do. I'd had enough of second guessing my actions.