Fix Me Up (Unknown Succubus Series book 2)

Returning Home

Just as Sam had said a helicopter of my advisors arrived to bring me back home. Christian and I were buckled into the chopper and lectured the entire ride back. Apparently no one approved of me bringing a demon prince back. But he was just a little boy and I was going to protect him. Sasha handed me a familiar device that I hadn't seen in what felt like years. My phone had hundreds of messages waiting for me when I turned it on. Missed calls from my mom and human friends left a sour guilt stewing my my stomach. I needed to go home sometime. It'd been so long since I'd be the me that lived there. So much had happened and I'd changed completely. I wasn't even remotely the person I'd been back then.
  Messages from my friends flooded my notifications as I scrolled through everything. Christian leaned against my arm as he watched my screen intently. The background was of a familiar little fox that I missed dearly. An uncomfortable atmosphere loomed in the air throughout the whole ride. No one dared to say anything and make tensions explode. When the helicopter landed everyone seemed to let out a sigh of relief.
  The second my feet touched the landing pad I booked it towards the door leading to the stairs. I wasn't going to give my advisors the opportunity to pounce on me just yet. There was bound to be a few lectures on my behavior. And quite a few "I told you so" comments. My trip had become a complete mess. I'd left to learn how to control my powers and understand myself more. That had become hijacked by a forced proposal and courting disaster. Then I'd gained an ally and possible suitor with dragons. And I left without a word to clean up the messes I'd made. But to finally be back in my own kingdom was comforting. I felt entirely at ease for the first time since I'd left.
  Christian was settled into a room in my wing of the castle for both his safety and my peace of mind. As he was settling into his bedroom I went to my own. I showered with my own products and it was heavenly. No helpers were there to make me uncomfortable. I wasn't expected to let others dress me in my own kingdom. After an unnecessarily long and hot shower I changed into my favorite pair of sweatpants and a tank top with a hoodie zipped up over it. My damp hair splayed across the pillows when I tossed myself onto my bed. Sinking into the familiar mattress was divine. I was tempted to never move until I died but I had responsibilities to attend to. The first of which was calling my friends to tell them everything. Luckily, they were all in the same place so I wouldn't have to individually call and get chewed out over and over.
By now Jasper has to have found out I was gone and my friends probably knew the second I stepped foot in the garden that night. I'd run from the situation there to stop a war and clean up my own mess. But I still ran from Jasper the moment things seemed like they could become something serious. I was still very much the anxious high school girl with no experience emotionally. Physically I could look like anyone and mentally I'd changed and matured drastically. But time and time again I avoided meaningful relationships and deep emotions. I definitely needed therapy or some self inflection. Instead, I settled for calling Violet.
"You're where?!" Her usually calm tone was replaced by a scream filled with incredulity. I could feel a tinge if anger that shocked me. Violet had never shown so much as an inkling of anger towards me before. Frustration of course but she's never been angry with me.
"I'm back at Thrinshield. I dealt with Luke to avoid a war. Jasper shouldn't have to risk the lives of his own people for me when it was my mess. Do you want me to send people to get everyone?" I rambled nervously. She'd never had me at such a loss before.
"No, you need to come back here and address things properly with Jasper. He thought you were kidnapped and searched for you this entire time. You can't keep doing this Aspen. It's cruel to let someone invest themselves into you just for you to run away. Either open up or give him closure." Violet lectured me sharply and a pang of guilt ripped into my chest. A small sigh slipped from my lips.
"I don't know what to do or what to say. Things are difficult...complicated even. I can't tell if I like someone or if they're just food with these idiotic powers. It's like I can't stop myself from letting others get close to me but keeping myself at a distance emotionally. I don't want to hurt anyone, physically or emotionally. If I lose control they could die." I tried to explain how I felt and give her reasons for my behavior. It was wrong of me to manipulate other's emotions for the convenience of food. But it was a trait that was built into being a Succubus. Ensuring survival was natural but I was still human and could recognize my wrongs.
"You're in control of your powers now. There's no more excuses you can use. Just address everything soon." She sighed quietly. For the most part she was right. I'd managed to gain more control over my powers and my feeding.
"I will. I'm going to send a letter of invitation to Jasper. This should be discussed in person and I can't leave after just getting back. I'm promise I won't run off again without you guys and I'm sorry for worrying everyone." I mumbled softly as guilt continued to eat away at my heart.
"We'll be waiting to see you again. Don't forget to eat tonight. See you later Aspen." Violet reminded me and waited for my goodbye to hang up. Having updated her on everything I felt more at ease. My stomach still lurched at the prospect of facing Jasper again. He was so old fashioned that it was both charming and infuriating. His boldness was paired with respect and always left me slightly shaken up. The way he'd so openly spoken of courting me was terrifying. Jasper would probably waste no time in proposing a marriage as well. A political marriage would certainly help my kingdom but that was one thing I'd never agree to. He genuinely cared for me in a way that made me feel as though I were some rare treasure to be protected and admired.
But feeding from anyone always caused a bond to form and for feelings to intensify. I'd fed from my friends and I knew they had feelings for me. Was it cruel for me to ignore that? Colton had been with me from when my powers had first awoken. Jared had been there as well. Even Sam in his own twisted way had cared for me. And I'd fed from all of them. Hunter had gladly let me feed from him and despite using me I'd also used him in a way that forced him to become attached to me. Serian had pursued me simply because I was a Succubus. No one would get hurt in a relationship of equal power. We were technically the same species the only difference was gender and name. But I didn't trust him, or any of my own kind. Luke had fed from me and I him but the only feelings he had were possession and security through an heir. Jasper had done nothing but help me from the moment we met and I went behind his back and fed from one of his people. I'd hurt so many people I'd called friends. Maybe before I knew what feeding did to others it would be okay to let it go but I fed from my friends even after I knew. It was self sabotaging and hurtful. They stuck around because I gave them the hope that I could be with them. I needed to apologize and never feed from any of them again. The only way for me to feed without hurting anyone was with an incubus and I knew just where to find one. But would they be willing to help without motives of their own?