Personal Assistant: Limited Edition[MXM]✔

Chapter 38

38.

Sebastian

"Hey, want to go out? This is the fourth weekend you've stayed indoors. I'm worried about you."

Did I want to go out? No.

Did I need to go out? Maybe.

The guy standing in front of me thought I needed to go out. It had gotten to a point where he was worried about me. He didn't seem like the type to worry about much. He didn't worry when he missed his first lectures of the day or when he got kicked out of one lecture for having a phone ring twice. He didn't even know me enough to worry about me.

Stevie was his name. We shared an apartment. We'd only been living together for four weeks. He wasn't the best person to share an apartment with but he wasn't the worst I'd seen. He was a slob and a ladies' man who thought having sex in our shared bathroom without letting me know was a good idea. Hey, at least it wasn't in the kitchen on our kitchen counter.

Despite that incident we got along well. He was an extrovert and friendly. I was lucky enough to get someone almost my age. He was twenty-three years old. We talked about college and games and even shared mutual acquaintances. I considered him a potential friend. Conversations were usually fluid and I found him funny.

I'd made other friends in Savanna Island city, most of them from my college. Being there opened up a familiar world for me. The environment wasn't all that different from when I attended college the first time, but after I was expelled my life had consisted of me hiding myself from the world, especially every time I got fired from a job. I cut off everyone I'd ever had an association with before they could cut me off. A convict wasn't someone people wanted to associate with and so I decided being alone was much better than having to explain myself.

Living with Ross hadn't really changed the situation. The house was seclusion of some sort. For the period I was there I interacted with its habitants and rarely people on the outside. It felt like a retreat, a break from the world.

Getting back into the world was fun, but I had terrible homesickness. I hadn't spent even a year at Mitchell mansion but I missed being there. I missed getting up at dawn to jog on familiar grounds and the smell of toast in the big kitchen. I missed being called by my full name.

I missed Ross.

I called him every other day to check on Nasir. I always told him I was checking up on Nasir but a large part of it was me wanting to find out how he – Ross – was doing. I told him about my life while he walked to Nasir's room. He took too much time walking to Nasir's room, making me wonder if he was deliberately staying on the phone so we could talk. I didn't mind and secretly I enjoyed it.

For the past week and every single week I'd spent away from Mitchell mansion really, I couldn't get my final night with Ross out of my mind. The scene replayed itself in my thoughts, right down to the moment when I feverishly wanted to tell him I loved him, right down to the moment he walked out of the room.

The look in his eyes when our bodies seemed to merge haunted me. I'd never seen him that vulnerable even when he learned Nasir was dying. My own thoughts when nirvana broke all around and in me tormented me.

I comforted myself in the moment that it was a fluke, nothing to worry about. It would go away.

I didn't go away. It hit hard and harder until I couldn't make a grilled cheese sandwich without picturing Ross holding the knife in his soft hand with long fingers and cutting the sandwich in such a way that it looked butchered. I laughed to myself thinking of how for some reason he just couldn't cut in a somewhat straight-line. In those moments I probably looked like a maniac but if Stevie noticed, he didn't care. He hated cheese enough to not be interested in my sandwiches.