The Visit

Chapter 21 - Changing.

My days seemed to drag and feel dull. My heart was as broken as it ever was. I'd sell dresses day in and day out. Watch young girls go through the door and walk back in as young adults. I've seen old people walk through the door and never come back. I wonder what it would be like to move. Move away from here, the heartbreak that u folds everyday but then I remember this is where I grew up all my memories, the good and the bad through the years. I feel connected to this place. But maybe the grass is greener on the other side. I dream I'm in Italy a land full of class and crystal blue rivers. I have a little cottage, with flowers on the windowsill. The grass is green, with a vineyard over the back. My dresses are elegant my hair is short but curls bounce with each step.

My body is covered in the silky soft Italian lace that all the girls want to buy in the shop. My timeless beauty conveyed by crimson red lipstick. My eyes hold that of mystery and seduction with each stare. My skin is the colour of mocha, I'm an envious beauty. I dream I am a someone, I dream I am pretty, I dream I have someone who loves me. I dream I am married with children we wait for my husband and their father to come back we wait at the dinner table for his arrival, when we eat dinner it's full of laughter and when we finish we head into the sitting room where we sit in front of the fire and tell stories to the children to get them to sleep. Once they are asleep I take them up and tuck them in their bed. I come back down ad we sit and chat and listen to the roaring fire as it pops, I'm saftley wrapped up in his arms. 

But then that's what I realise. It's only just a dream, I'd never leave here. I'd stay because as they say the home is where the heart is. I hear the shop bell ring and  a pair of feet rushing up to the counter. I look up to be met with Maria my best friend. "Hi, I need to tell you something, it's urgent, Georgina is pregnant with Arthur's baby she was down the chemist and Arthur's sister has confirmed it along with his brother." My heart felt heavy and tears were starting. "Well we must congratulate her, maybe we hand make her a dress so she has something she can feel comfortable in with the baby. Or maybe we could make the baby a little dress or well knit her a pair or booties." I simply suggest. Then it comes to me maybe this is the sign. Maybe it's a sign that instead of dreaming about things that will never happen I should make them come true. Maria looks horrified just as she is about to open her mouth the front door is opened abruptly and a very worried and upset Arthur comes storming in. "Can I have a word with Martha in private please." He stares to Maria. "No, what ever you have to say Arthur you can say in front of Maria, and congratulations on the baby, tell Georgina if she wants a maternity dress we can make it especially for her." I say with surprisingly no bitter towards him even though I should. I mean it's been what 8 or 9 months and he's already got a girl pregnant and by the look of the ring on his finger he now has to marry her. I laugh at the thought for some reason. "I wanted to you to know that the rumours are true and even though it is a bit sudden, I still love you and she knows that Georgina I mean, Georgina knows I still love you. She's thinking of aborting the baby so me and you can have another chance, I don't want her Martha I want you and only you." I stand there amazed at what he just confessed. "Arthur, no you need to be by her side help her raise that baby, you only say you love me because your scared, scared to be a father. And judging by the ring on your finger I'd say she has one too. And your scared of settling down and committing to a woman Arthur." I say blankly. "And no you can't have me, because the Martha you know well she's long gone." He stands ther shocked. "Now if you don't mind I have to go and pack. I'm going to Italy." He begs and pleads with me not to go. I just stand there unamused by all of this. He's vulnerable and I walk away just like how he walked away from me. I stop off in the local hairdressers and ask for then to colour my hair with dark black bouncy curls. I then do my make up naturally but still have the classy elegance of an Italian. I then stop off and phone my mother and Pollyanna and Edna and tell them where I'm going. I get changed, I rip the suitcase put from under my bed to start piling clothes in it. I unlock it it and find a picture of my father, then I realise that running away from my problems weren't going to solve anything. Everything I have in life is right here and I'm grateful for that. But I have to get out and away from this, I have to get away from the life I live here in England. I decide that a walk might make me feel better. I go for a walk down the local park and I make sure to take the old bread crust to feed to the ducks. I arrive at the lake it's dark but the lamp illuminates the water. I hear some muffled cries coming from the bench. I ignore them the best I can because it's dark and I don't really want to get caught up in anything. But then curiosity got the better of me. I start slowly walking over I sit down next to the person and ask if they were OK. They reply and I find out its Georgina. I don't know how to act. "He still loves you, he calls your name out at night he even called your name out once when we made love. I wish he looked at me the way he looked at you. Don't hate him, the baby ... It's not his and that's going to break him. The baby the father is ... " she breaks down half way through the speech she was saying. I didn't know what to say so I move closer and give her a hug and tell her it's alright. It breaks my heart to know that Arthur still calls my name all this time I thought he moved on. I tell her that I'm here for her , that I have two shoulders that she could cry on. She tells me that Arthur knows  the baby isn't his me that it broke him. She told the father was a drunken one night stand with a coloured soldier that treated her nice when Arthur was out late at night.  I tell her she needs to go home she can't be out this late at night especially when she's pregnant. But she doesn't listen she tells me she has no one other than Arthur. She tells me that the father has been shipped back to London to live. I tell her it's not that far from the train but she just ignores me. It dawns on me that she really has no one.

I take her back to the apartment I bought recently. I make her some tea and we sit on the sofa and have a chat. I mean a chat she tells me that Arthur bought himself a ring just to wear. The ring on her finger is from the soldier he proposed to her. I just nod along to the story. I realise that she is asleep. My head is telling me it's getting late. But my heart for some strange reason is telling me to go and see Arthur, to check if he's ok. So I sneak out the front door and go to his place. The door is unlocked to I push it open glass is smashed everywhere the smell of alcohol hits my nostrils and make me heave. I call out his name but I don't hear an answer. Then an almighty crash is heard just above my head in the bedroom. I race up those stairs to find him. I find him he's crouched down on his knees crying. I embrace him in a hug rubbing his back telling him it's ok. Everything is alright. He looks up at me with so much vunreability it makes my heart shatter. I kiss his forehead lightly and get him to sit in between my legs and we rock forwards and back gently while I hum a tune. It seems to have worked he calmed down but he fell asleep as well. I change his clothes for him and put him to bed. I kiss his head and whisper a goodbye but just as I go to walk out the door, he grabs me by my wrist and pulls me down to lay on on the bed. He slides on top and me and places his head in between my breasts and begs me to stay for the night. I agree. Every now and then he will move his head and his stubble will tickle me. I realise I'm in love with him again.