A dream hidden behind a sweat shirt

Chapter thirteen

*her perspective*

I decided to hug him. I hadn't had a friend since eighth grade that I could really talk to. I shut everyone out when I came out with my secret. I needed to be able to confide. But he had a girlfriend. Maybe he was just teasing me. No I refuse to think that. Maybe he actually likes me.

He was stroking my hair whispering everything will be okay. That's when I started crying. I was sobbing. My body collapsed against him each time feeling weaker and weaker. I finally pulled alway

"I'm sorry." I padded the wet spot that I had left.

"It's okay. You want to talk." I shook my head no

"Wait I'll see you at school right." He yelled at me while I walked off. Still sniffling. I nodded my head fiercely and then thought of why I walked away the same thought pounding in my head. ' you can't do this. You'll ruin him. He'll hate you. ' after getting that in my head I walked inside. I didn't dare look behind me. For all I know he could be right there. Once I was in the safety of my home I collapsed against the door I'm sure my eyes where red from crying. My mom looked at me while she was washing the dishes with a worried look in her eyes.

"So um who was that?" I met her eyes after she said that

"Jasper."

"That's jasper! He looks so diffrent! And does he remember you? Does he have feelings? Oh no what if everything happens all over again!."

"Mum calm down, and yes that's jasper, and no I had to tell him about us, and it won't happen again. He daily a he has feelings but he doesn't know everything." I dropped my gaze fiddling with the ruby ring on my finger.

"Oh I see. It'll be okay honey." Her worried expression changed from her face but not her eyes it still sulked in the mid blue of her eyes like it was mocking me.

"Yeah I guess you could say that."

"Well common where having the talk."

"Nooo mum I've already had that and it didn't work with us. I refuse!" I growled

"Up ya go, go sit on the couch." She finished washing dishes and came and sat by me. I was slumping and glaring at a wall. Maybe a God would take me up to heavan now so I didn't have to hear this... AGAIN!

"How's school." I eyed her nervously

"G-good." My hands broke out in a clammy sweat and I started to get nervous.

"Okay um any girl friends?" She questioned

"Nope." I popped the p

"None?" She looked at me worriedly

"Zip." I gave a irritated smile.

"Well do you like him again?"

"Yes why wouldn't i, I've had four years with him not in my life!." I thought of his blonde curly hair the way it flipped up at some parts. And it always looked like crazy hair which made me want to giggle. He always had these happy blue eyes that seemed to always be starring at me. And his mouth was always in a charming smile.

"Molly." She snapped her fingers

"Hmm what?" I jumped into reality

"I said are you sure?"

"Of course I am."

"Oh brother." She rolled her eyes

"What?"

"My baby girl is growing up to fast."

"Mom I'm seventeen. Plus he doesn't like me back." I answered but was it a lie or the truth? I'd never know.

"Why not your beautiful."

"Because he's a popular. Huge ego ya know."

With that I stood up kissed her on the head and walked up to my room.

As soon as I got in there I ran to my bed and sobbed. I was to never have a family. I was never to be loved. And most definatly should be kept isolated in my lonely misrable life. I looked at my desk top though tears blurred my vision.

My bible was there. I picked it up and read it. Suddenly feeling comforted. I wiped my tears up. Picking out pajamas i hopped in the shower.

While scrubbing my hair I thought.

I can't see him again. It just wouldn't be right. I mean me destroy every thing he has. The cuts on my arms. That just ugh I can't bring him through knowing I have done self harm and failed at suicide! He'd hate me. I shall always where that stupid sweat shirt. And he can't know that I had cut because I was abused. No way he can't know I abused myself because an abuser took advantage of me. I won't let it happen. And my mom sheesh if my mom had money we'd eat properly. I need a job. But that means interaction with people. Why are people so stupid. Why judgemental it's stupid. Oh well I don't care I'll just not ever see him again I could ruin his respect or whatever he has for me and his reputation. I'm just bad luck.

With those thoughts in my head I laid down in the purple and neon blue comforter. My head resting on pillows of dreams. I was half way asleep when my phone went off.

I picked up the dainty phone and looked at it.

Two new messages

"Hey Molly just want to tell you good night sweet dreams beautiful!" ~ jasper

"Watch your back, I'm out of prison and I'm coming for you."...~ Lynn