anxiety; trixya

twelve

trixie had been sat in katyas office for about five minutes, before she decided to talk.

"my dad text me the other day, that's what set off my panic attack." trixie said. "kim told me about him, you don't have to go into depth if you don't feel comfortable." katya assured trixie. "it's just the stuff he says, you know, it hurts so bad katya." trixie said. she felt her eyes start to brim with tears. "sorry, i probably seem stupid." trixie said, sniffing. "no, i understand completely." katya said and handed trixie a tissue, "it's hard to be called names, let alone it come from a loved one."

"it just brings back all this anxiety and feelings from when he used to shout that at me, almost every single day. i feel like that's why i have social anxiety because i'm scared other people are going to do that to me. that they're going to judge me and make fun of me for the way i look or for who i love." trixie said. "that's something we can work on." katya said and noted what trixie said down.

"kim told me the other night that last time you talked to your dad, you got very depressed." katya said, carefully. "she such a fucking snitch." trixie said, with a small grin. "do you have any of these feelings this time?" katya asked. "i haven't yet but it probably will come on soon, i'm praying it won't though." trixie said.

"trixie how do you feel about going on anti-depressants?" katya asked. "i'm not that sick am i?" trixie asked, becoming short of breath. "no, no, trixie stay calm. they might just help with your mood and even help with interacting with people." katya explained. "i don't know i'll have to think about it." trixie said.

trixie didn't want to go on anti-depressants as she didn't want to have the responsibility of having to remember to take a tablet everyday but also because it meant accepting that actually she was really ill and she could never do that to herself.

"katya?" trixie asked. "yes trixie." "i was wondering if there was any way i could repay you for coming to my recuse the other day?" trixie asked, playing with the hem of her skirt. "there really is no need." katya said, smiling. "please i want to." trixie said, almost sounding desperate. "coffee would be nice." katya said.

trixie thought for a moment. she couldn't deal with ordering coffee, there was so much pressure on you when you got the front of the queue that this almost, everytime, made trixie have a panic attack. "how about i make you one? i'm not good with people." trixie said, upset. "sure, i can pop by at around 4pm if you want?" katya said. "that's fine." trixie replied.

the appointment slot had ended and trixie said goodbye to katya and made sure to make an appointment for the same time next week. she mentally kicked herself, why couldn't she be normal? now she had to tidy the whole apartment because she couldn't go to a shop and order fucking coffee.

it was safe to say trixie definitely hated herself right now.