What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 7

I had few guys before I met Tommy. Few innocents flirts, few disappointing dates, first kiss, when I was 15 with a guy from our quartet. I thought I will never forget his name. And I did, even though I can still remember how odd it was, when he tried to stick his tongue to my mouth and I brushed my teeth for two hours after that. I am not into one night stands, to be honest. I think I simply need something deeper then just a sexual desire. But, yeah, nobody is saint, so even I got weak and ended up with some random guy in his apartment. I began to be so nervous and started to panick, so I laid on his couch and I pretended, that I fell asleep. I will never forget, how I tiptoed through the hall, shoes in my hand and when I got on the street I started to laugh like crazy and because it was 4 am I walk through the city, until I had my first lecture at the university. He supposed to be a dome kind of a revenge to my former boyfriend, but I realized, that the only person, who is going to be hurt will be myself.
My longest relationship lasted for two years and I was celebrating for whole weekend, when I finally found a courage to end it. I always thought, that the feeling "he is the one" was right. How could I know, that he wasn't. Guy, who I have known for many years, son of my father's accompanion. And we kinda got together at one party on Christmas. It was okay, until I found out, that he is cheating on me whenever and wherever he can. And he always persuaded me, that it was for the last time and it won't happen again. For long 6 months I was such a fool and I tolerate it. The worst thing was, that my mother told me all the time, to close my eyes and be more permissive about these kind of stuff.
When I look back and I remember her, I feel sorry for her. All she cared about was money, how she looks and what other people think about her. What a sad life she had. She didn't change a bit not even, when she got ill. Breast cancer, nothing unusual, you would say, but her body couldn't fight it and it spread everywhere like a silent parasite crawling and eating its way through her organs and bones. The last thing she told me was: "But you don't have to come here everyday." She died few hours later in the hospital alone.

Sometimes you think, that your life cannot get better, because everything is not as you have imagined it should be.
Let me tell you one thing. Everything can be changed by one person only. Smile that he gives you, when he sees you, the way he looks at you, when you are doing the most common things, just a small gesture, like when he gives you his jacket even though you didn't say you are cold.
I have never felt something so special like I do, when he plays with a lock of my hair before he kisses me. The feeling when he rubs my back with his hand and run his fingers through my hair.
Everytime he enters the diner, it feels like my heart starts to dance in my chest.
"I wish he just talked a little bit more,you know?" I sighed and Mary winked at me slyly.
"Get him to bed, some men are more talkative after the sex."
"Mary! We have been dating for like five days!"
"So?"
"Don't you think it's too early to talk about stuff like this?"
"Come on, girl. Look at him," she turned me and I saw Tommy entering the diner. "Look at him and tell me you don't imagine how does he look like without that jacket and hoodie, hmmm?"
"Frankly my dear, I tear his clothes down in my head everytime I see him," I whispered dreamily and Mary said laughing behind my back: "We all do, Shani."