What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 11

"I've heard many stories about parents doing bad parenting, but to be honest, your dad is definitelly in top 5," Paddy frowned, after I told him a whole story that happened today.
"Yeah," I nodded and finished pizza. "It was really good."
"I'm glad to hear that," he smiled and drank his beer.
"So tell me, what do you study? Or no, no, let me guess... Uhm, literature!"
"Not even close," I chuckled.
"Art, music!" he pointed at my shirt with Deep Purple logo.
"Nope!"
"Wow, well you look like you have an artistic spirit. So, not even close, huh?" Paddy scratched his head. "Alright, tell me."
"I am going to be a veterinarian."
"Now that's a surprise, I tell you," he opened his eyes widely.
"Yeah," I smiled and looked at my watch. "Speaking of which, I had to go for a lesson. I'll be back around 9, is that okay?"
"Yes, sure. Here, take this spare key, in case I'd fell asleep. I am going to work early in the morning," Paddy gave me a key.
"Alright, I'll see you later. Thanks," I said and went to school.
Spending the afternoon surrounded by wolves was the best way, how to keep my mind clear. I had to get rid of all the bad thoughts and doubts and I fully concentrated on the pack. Still, I could see, that Mia was checking me a lot. She had to sense, that I am not in a very good mood. They can sense everything. Even a small hesitance, glimpse of unstable mind and there can be not very pleasant consequences. They are teachers, showing us, that no matter what is going on in our lifes, we should move on and don't let the others to destroy our inner peace. That makes us weak, vulnerable.

Paddy was sleeping already, when I got to his apartment. I wanted to pour myself a water, but I couldn't find a clean glass. Alright, I think I have to do something about this, if I should live here for some time.
I went to Tommy's room and lay down on his bed. How I wish for him to be here with me now...

"Good morning," I smiled at Paddy, when we came to the kitchen.
"You're already awake?" he yawned and grabbed his jacket.
"Yeah, listen Paddy. Would it be okay, if I... Uhm... If I do something about a kitchen? I mean..." I nervously stammered. "I wanted to make a breakfast for you, but I kinda couldn't even find a sponge so I could do dishes."
"This place... It misses woman's presence, right?" Paddy said sadly.
"I don't want to be disrespectful," I whispered and I have regreted to even start about it.
"Shani, make yourself at home. I know this place is a mess. So, I will not be mad, if you want to make it nicer here. And I promise you, when I get from work, I'll help you with it. Oh, btw, we're gonna watch Tommy tonight, what do you say?" he winked at me.
"It's going to be on TV?"
"Yeah, few neighbors and friends will come. You join us, right?"
"You bet!" I nodded and Paddy went to a work.
After a class, I went to a work for few hours and then I spent whole afternoon with making myself at home.
It wasn't that bad, to be honest, I expected a bigger disaster.

Paddy came home around 7 and when he entered the apartment, he stopped and I watched him from the kitchen, as he went back to hall and then he returned.
"Hello," I waved.
"I must be honest, I had to check a door number, because I thought, that I have entered the wrong door. Wow, Shani, I am speechless. This... Last time it felt like home, it was when Tommy's mother was alive," he looked around the living room and kitchen.
I threw away all the garbage, cans, boxes, cleaned whole kitchen, wiped floors. And I made a dinner and prepared few snacks for his friends.
"I hope it's okay," I was still so unsure if I did a good thing.
"You don't have to be so nervous!" Paddy laughed and he came to me.
"Thank you, I promise I'll try to keep it that way. And oh my god, you made a lasagne?"
"Oh yes!" I chuckled, when I watched him grabbing a fork and tasting it directly from a pan.
"Wow, these are so good," he said and I put him some on a plate.

We talked over a beer next hour, he told me all about Tommy's brother, his mom, who passed away and how it hit Tommy badly.
"He was always quiet, but the moment she was gone, he really shut away. He didn't speak for many weeks and he is not talkactive still. I think you've noticed."
"That's true, sometimes I see in his eyes, that he'd like to tell something, but he never does."
"It feels like his eyes are screaming sometimes, right? Things he must have seen during that damn war," Paddy finished his beer and immediately opened another. "Don't get me wrong, I am proud, that he does this... there..."
He sighed and I touched his hand.
"You're alright?"
"To be honest, no. I honestly have no idea, why do we send our men there. Why do they fight in some foreign country. I don't understand it at all. And I am afraid, that he might not come back one day. Shani, I'd rather
see him doing something ordinary, I swear I am proud, but I woud be proud even if he was a mechanic or teacher like his brother, you know?"
"I understand you," I said softly.

Paddy's friends came few minutes later and I sent a text to Tommy to wish him a luck.
It was exciting. I was all nervous and
curious.
The arena was big, hundreds of people screaming and when I heard Tommy's name, my heart started to beat like crazy. He came to the ring, black hoodie with hood on, his face showed nothing but a big amount of
concentration. And then he undressed that hoodie and my jaw dropped open, when I saw him. Let's skip all his tattoos, that make him even more hot than he already is, but if I was a medicine student, he could be my model for anatomy studies. I swear, he has a body of a Greek god. I watched him as with just a few moves he sent the other guy on the floor. It looked like the easiest thing on Earth.
He disappeared from a TV screen and I started to breathe again and I realized Paddy and his friends were all chanting and exciting about it, I was the only one, who didn't make a sound whole time.
"That's my boy, Shani!" Paddy said proudly. "What do you say?"
"It was impressive," I couldn't get more out of my mouth.

My phone beeped later that night, when I was in bed unable to fall asleep.
- U sleeping?
- How could I? I can't get you out of my head.
- Told u to come with me ;)
- You have no idea, how I regret for staying here...
Tommy called me back. His voice sounded so comfortable, I wrapped myself to the blanket and I listened to him telling how was his day, what did he had for dinner, how did it felt to go to the arena full of people.
"I did win for you this round. I'll win whole tournament for you. The idea, that you're watching me during that fight, it gives me incredible energy," he said softly. Is it really that man, who beat other guys like nothing just few hours ago?

"Listen, I see you on Monday, okay? I have to settle up something on my way home," he told me in the end of our conversation. I was working whole next day and I couldn't concentrate at all. I was thinking what he has to do. But visitors that appeared on Saturday evening in Paddy's apartment took my mind off things.