What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 18

Another month has passed and my university graduation has come. And I was standing there, accepting my academic diploma and all I could think about was yesterday's call with Tommy. I hate war, I hate that he is so far away, I hate the fact, he can't be here and I don't understand, how is it possible, that almost every single soldier from his unit has alredy got a chance to come home at least for a weekend. Every single one, but Tommy. Don't get me wrong, I have no doubts, he is great, but is that really no chance to free him from his duty for a weekend? For a day? For few hours?
I looked to the crowd of people, who were watching me and locked my eyes with Brendan. He gave me a smile and I smiled back. Tess waved at me. And then there was Paddy. Sadness and confusion in his eyes are probably much bigger than in mine.
Last week I found him in his apartment lying on the floor unconscious. He got drunk so much, that he could not walk, when I woke him up, he threw up, when I finally got him to bed. I promised him not to tell Brendan and Tess. I can't blame him, it's hard. He is afraid, I am too. I watch news every morning, every evening. Every single report from Iraq talking about dead soldiers makes me want to scream.
But he is alive, that is what matters now the most. He is alive, he is not with me, but he's there somewhere, walking, breathing, fighting. My warrior, who finds his way through the hell and one day he will come back to me.

"Hmmm, that is weird," Tess frowned, when I got to them and they congratulated me.
"What?" I asked.
"That man in a suit, he has been staring at you for almost whole time. In a weird way, you know?"
I turned and I couldn't believe my eyes.
"Jesus Christ, it's my father," I whispered and they all turned so they could see him.
"Yeah, thanks, guys, that's really helpful and not obvious at all," I chuckled. "Give me a sec, okay?"
I exhaled and went to him. He was standing there with a woman by his side. She looked pretty young, to be honest, but that is not my business, I guess.
"Hello," he smiled at me, when I came to them.
"Hello, dad," I won't lie, this was awkward. Last time I saw him, he was lying on the floor, his face covered in blood, because of my boyfriend. And we haven't talked since then.
"Shani, I'm really glad, that you... came to me here, now..." he stammered, he was obviously nervous.
"I am surprised, that you are here," I said in a calm voice.
"I've heard about a success of your work, the study you made about wolves, I believe. And even though I have never really understood, what do you see about those creatures.... Uhm, you just finished a university and it's a big day. I want to say, I am proud."
"What?" I couldn't believe my ears. My father, a man who yelled at me, humiliated me, he told me, that I stink like a dog and that I will be a nothing in life, just told me, he is proud?
"How about a dinner? To celebrate your success? You, me and...  oh," he turned and woman, who has been standing few steps behind him came to us, "this is Elizabeth, she is my partner, my girlfriend."
"It's nice to meet you," I gave her a smile. "Listen, I already have plans for today, so maybe next time, okay?"
"Oh, okay," he nodded his head, he was clearly upset. "We have a small party Saturday afternoon, how about you stop by there?"
"Well, I have an emergency during weekend, but yeah, I'll try to switch my shifts," I accepted his invitation.
"I have to go. So Saturday," I smiled and went back to Paddy and the rest of his family.
"You could go with him, you know? We wouldn't be angry at all," Tess said later, when we were having lunch.
"Well, I'd rather be with you, plus he invited me to a party on Saturday, so a father-daughter time will come later," I chuckled. I watched kids laughing, Brendan and Tess talking to Paddy. Yes, they are my family and I want to celebrate this day with them.

Saturday came and I went to my father's house. It was strange, I have known a single person, yet everybody knew me. They applaude me, when I got there, my father kept talking about me, how my study has been translated all around the world. How the hell does he even know these things? All of the sudden I am so important to him?

"He really cares, you know?" Elizabeth came to me, brought me a glass of wine. "I met him just like a two months ago, but he keeps talking about you and how he's sorry for being a horrible father."
I didn't respond, I didn't know what to say.
"How about your boyfriend? The one who hit him so hard," Elizabeth giggled silently.
"He's in Iraq," I whispered.
"Oh, I didn't know that."
"Yeah," I drank a glass of wine.
"I have to go. Thank you for the invitation, it was nice, but I have some thing to do at work, so..."
"So soon?" Elizabeth looked at me, but I didn't answer and went away.

I was passing by a group of young people, when I've heard a conversation, that caught my attention.

"I tell you I saw it on TV, it was so funny. He made ducks think, he is like their mother," one of the guy laughed.
"What was his name?" woman asked.
"Lo... uhm...  Lor...." he scratched his forehead.
"Konrad Lorenz, and for information no ducks, but geesse," I have joined their conversation and corrected him.
"Wow, you saw it too?" man turned to me.
"No, but I am familiar with his experiments. I studied them and used his conclusions and  knowledge too."
"I am Peter, hi," he stretched his arm. I hesitated for a second, I wanted to leave already.
"Shani," I shook a hand with him after all.
"Oh, you're Shani!? I was wondering how does a person, whose name I've heard whole day look like," he chuckled.
"Well, now you know it."
"So, you are the woman who runs with wolves, huh?"
"Not exactly," I shook my head.
"Do you have some time? I'd really like to hear something about what you do," Peter stopped a potboy,who was holding a tray and took two glasses with wine.
"Uhm," I flipped my hair nervously, "you know I was leaving already."
"Just a glass of wine and your best story, please," he begged and gave me a glass.
"Well okay, I think I could stay a little bit longer," I took off my jacket again and joined them in the end.