What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 29

Sometimes all you need is just a very strong emotional moment to see your whole life in front of your eyes.
Even the memories that already have been forgotten. You thought they are lost, all of the sudden they fly through your mind.
What makes us to forget? Small capacity of our brains? Our own will? Some things we simply want to forget - failures, painful events, sad memories.
The truth is, that our past makes us, creates us. Our decisions, choices, everything changes; as we all do. We make mistakes and bad decisions, we do things that we regret, but where would we be without these mistakes?
How amazing is to watch a baby, who is trying to make first steps. Failing over and over again, falling, sometimes it ends in tears, with a bruises. All they need is to be hugged by mother or father and they try it again. That is how we learn to move, to walk, that is how we move forward.
We have to fall, so we could rise again. If we gave up at baby's age, we would be never able to walk, we would stay immobile and eventually we would all die.
Is it even possible to find out a memory, the most hidden in our brain? Like a moment we took our first steps? I can tell, it is. But it requires a really strong moment, painful moment, moment, that eventually changes your life.

Me and Tess we went to my father's house together. I wasn't sure, if Liz is home, but I didn't feel like going there all by myself.
I felt weird, we got out from the car and went on the street.
"Are you okay?" Tess asked me.
"No," I admited. "This might be the last time I go to that house. It's weird."
"It's going to be okay. We got your back," Tess put her arm around my shoulders.
"Here we are," we stopped in front of my house.
"Wow, three families could live here," Tess whispered.
"That's true," I said and put my keys from the pocket. "It's locked, she is away. That's good." I exhaled and felt a big relief, that I don't have to see Liz.
We went to my room and I took my wallet from the desk, took a small bag and took few stuff, that I wanted to keep.
Picture of my mother was one of them. I had a strange feeling, when I watched her face on the photography. It was like I knew her, but at the same time a stranger's face watched me back.
"It's your mother?" Tess looked over my shoulder.
"Yes."
"She was beautiful. I mean, your dad is no James Bond, how come he is able to have women like your mom or Elizabeth?" she thought out loud.
"Maybe because of his money? May e he can be so charming at the beginning? I don't know, can't tell," I shrugged.
"This should be all. I don't want to take more stuff, it could be suspicious."
"Okay, so let's go," Tess said and we went out of the room.

My heart stopped.

"Dad?" I whispered and froze.
"Hello Shani. Who is this friend of yours?" Jack stared at Tess.
"I am Amy. It's nice to meet you," she said with a smile and I envied her the calm tone in her voice.
"I just stopped by to take few stuff, I will be in town tonight, I sleep at Amy's place. It's her birthday," I said and pinched myself to my palm, so I could focus on pain and not on the fear.
"Why didn't you tell me? I could have been worried."
"I wanted to leave you a note. But uhm, I thought you should come back tomorrow, you know?"
"Well, change of plans," he shook his head. "I won't holding you off, girls. Have a great time and Shani?"
"Yes?"
"Carefully with the drinks, you know you should be careful with the alcohol!" he said smiling and Tess laughed.
"Oh, you are so funny! Shani, your dad is so cool!" she winked at me, her smile vanished the moment she turned her back on him, grabbed me by my hand and we went toward the main doors.
"I know you!" Liz suddenly came out of the kitchen.
"Shit," I closed my eyes.
"Jack! It's... She was there at Shani's graduation, with the older brother."
"What? What graduation?" Tess tried to act like she has no idea, but I saw in my father's eyes, that it is too late. He remembered.
"What the fuck is matter with you?" I murmured toward Liz.
Tess pulled me and quickly opened the door, but my father was quicker and he grabbed me by my wrist, so when she made a swift movement, she wasn't able to hold me anymore.
"Damn it!" she cursed.

"Tommy!" I exclaimed with the pure joy in my voice, when I saw him coming inside.
"Tess, go to the car," he said and he let the doors open.
She ran quickly toward the car, that parked in front of the house.
"We saw them coming, but we thought you may lie somehow," Brendan said, when Tess got in next to him.
"Well that young bitch recognized me from Shani's graduation. We have to call the police, I don't like it. I don't like it at all," she quickly dialled 911.

"Let her go," Tommy stood in front of me and my father. "I think we all want to settle things in a good way."
"You," Jack hissed."You have no idea how much I hate you. You couldn't just stay away, right? You had to come back, you had to mess with my life, my family! What man has to do to get rid of you? Seriously, tell me. Give me  hint! Because I think I have tried everything!"
"What are you talking about?" I looked at him.
"I was protecting you," he tried to caress my face, but I moved my head and he smacked my face instead.
"Son of bitch," Tommy moved forward, he pushed Jack and we both fell on the ground. Tommy quickly raised me.
"I'm sorry, are you okay?"
I hugged him, burried my face to his jacket.
"I will never allow  you two to be together. It will be my way, always!" Jack stood up with the help of Liz.
"Why are you helping him? What's wrong with you? Can't you see he is not a good man?" I looked at Liz.
"He is like this because you made him to act this way," Liz said and she stabebd me with her look. Green eyes, pupils so small, she looked like a zombie.
"What the hell is this, did we just wake up in a different reality and stuck in some thriller movie?" I shook my head. "Why are you doing this? Don't you want me to be happy, dad?"

"Oh, come on! I have tried so hard! I found you a decent boyfriend, somebody who actually means something in the world. Rich, noble man. And what did you do? Broke his nose. Few months later, broke up his heart, because of this piece of shit," he pointed at Tommy, who just exhaled angrily.
"But you know what? One thing I admire about you. Your will to live. I mean, man. I payed a big bag of money to keep you in Iraq. In the end, I was so so desperate I even started to search for a man from your unit, who would be willing to shoot you! But the enemy shot you first and did a very bad job, because look at you, standing here. What are you immortal?"

"You didn't," I whispered crying.
"It's funny. They say you can't buy happiness with the money. Oh my God, I was so pleased, I was so happy everytime I was sending money to the general, to hold you there!" Jack started to laugh like crazy.
I looked at Tommy, I saw tears in his eyes and I felt guilty. This happened because of me. If he has never met me, he could live a normal life.

"Shani, we are leaving," Tommy moved me behind him, so he could cover me with his body and he started to move back to the main door.
"I would rather see her death, than let her become an average scum, just like you," Jack shouted crazy malignant look in his eyes.
"Well, I think you have failed once. And you won't have a chance to try again," I stepped forward. "I remember you. I know, that it was you, who hit me with the car. And I won't be silent."
We heard a police car in the distance. Liz watched Jack nervously.
"Goodbye," I took Tommy by his hand and led him from the house.

"Thank God, finally!" Tess put her hands on her chest and smiled at Brendan. They got out of the car and she went toward us with a big smile, that we could see even though we were few metres away.
Last thing I remember is, that her smile faded and I saw raw fear in her eyes. She was horrified.
"Shani! Tommy! Turn back! Turn - !"

Two gunshots echoed through the air, louder than a siren on the police car. Scared few birds on the trees, who spread their wings and flew away. The gunshots, that left behind nothing but a silent scream of human hearts.