What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 20

April

"Are you sure, you won't need anything else? We'll stop by on Sunday, but if you need something, just call me, okay?" Brendan stood in Paddy's kitchen with him, Tess with kids watching Tv, playing with toys.
"I'll be fine, really," Paddy chuckled, "I am not a kid, if I neef something, I can go shopping, I know how to do that, you know?"

It's been a rough time for them all. Paddy has started to drink again and Brendan had to move to him for a certain period, because he could not even go to work, get up from bed, eat.
"Thank you, I think I'll can take it from here and start to be responsible again," he sadly sighed and looked through the window. Spring was here, after a long freezing winter, sun finally rose and heavy clouds vanished from the sky. Everything so green, so fresh, ready for new beginnings.

Brendan went to Tess and she looked at him.
"Ready to go home?" she asked.
"I am not sure..." Brendan sat on sofa with a blank look in his eyes. He stared in front of him, his eyes wandered around the apartment and stopped on the doors. How could he know? Maybe instinct? Maybe just coincidence, but this doors got opened and his brother appeared.
"Tommy?" Brendan whispered and jumped from the couch. "Tommy!" he exclaimed the name of his brother once again and ran to him.
"Whoa!" Tommy moaned, when Brendan hugged him. "I didn't expect so much love," he said smiling.
Tess with kids came and gave him a hug.
Paddy was standing in the living room and watched them crying.
"Hey, dad," Tommy came closer. He looked tired, eyes framed with black circles, scurf on his face, stooped stand. Arm and shoulder hidden in special bandages, you could barely notice, but he limped.
"My son, am I dreaming?" Paddy put his hands at Tommy's face, then buried his head to his clothes and started to cry.
"It's okay, dad. I'm home," Tommy comforted him and looked at Brendan's family.

Next few hours they spent on couch, talking, listening to Tommy. It's weird to listen to somebody saying 'I got lucky in the end, they shoot me, so that was my redemption. They had no use for me, so I could finally go home.'

They have been avoiding one topic for whole that time, but when it came, it was even more uncomfortable, than they could imagine.

"Listen, guys..." Tommy started in a quiet voice. "Anyone has heard anything about Shani lately?"

They exchanged few looks and waited, who will speak first.

"No, son," Paddy finally answered. "We haven't since new year. She was here on Christmas and that was the last time we saw her."
"It seems like she had to change her phone number, cause the old one is unavailable," Tess said softly and looked at Tommy.
"We thought you might tell us something about her. This is an unpleasant surprise to me, to be honest. I kept persuade myself she is too busy or she just needed a break from us," Paddy frowned.
Tommy was all quiet, his eyes full of questions, sadness, disappointments.
He has imagined his return many times, he saw it in his mind, all possible scenarios, but this, this one was far from his expectation. This was more like a bad dream, his greatest fear.
"You know, she hasn't call since new year. She left me a message in a voice mail. I thought she might be angry, that I didn't call her, but I was in hospital and it took me few days before I was able to function. But I thought, I... I hoped... She is waiting for me... I went to her apartment, it's abandoned. She left everything there, her clothes, even laptop. It looks like she wanted to come back." Words came out slowly, it was like he was thinking out loud, he tried to understand, but he was lost.

"What if she decided to move back to her father?" Tess raised her eyebrows. "She was there few times for a family dinner, she told me, she likes his new girlfriend. It seemed that they have found a way back to each other."
Tommy didn't answer, he just gazed to the floor.
"Nah," he shook his head. "I know her and I have met him. And then there is that message she left me. She told, that they had a big fight and that he hasn't changed at all..."
"Tommy," Brendan said carefully in a calm voice. "Listen, we all know, that you are a great guy, but what if she simply went back. You know? She tried how it is to be, well, let's say poor, cause be honest,we are no rich men. And if she started to talk to her father again, maybe she spent some time home and she got used to the luxury and money again. I think, you can't blame her, who wouldn't choose a simpler path to walk in life."
"Shani," Tommy stood up and went to the door. "She was no spoiled, indolent missy."
"Where are you going?" Paddy asked, even thought he already knew the answer.
"Tommy, don't do that!" Tess exclaimed. "I really don't think her father will welcome you with an open arms!"
He didn't listen and vanished in the hallway.
"God damn it, I'm after him," Brendan quickly put his jacket on and ran away.

I was standing in front of our house. Me and Liz we were trying to plant new roses, that we bought earlier that day.
"It will be beautiful here," I said and looked around. "The grass is so green already, here, we could plant lavender here, I love its scent and when the roses begin to bloom, we'll have the most beautiful front yard on the street."
"Agree, it was about time to make this place nicer," Liz smiled, but that smiled slowly disappeared from her lips and it was replaced by a shock and fright in her eyes.
"Oh no, this is not good, this can't be..." She murmured nervously.
"Shani, go to house, now, quickly, okay?" she suddenly started to push me toward the main doors.
"Liz, what are you doing?"
"Don't ask, just go! Damn it.. Jack? Jack! Come here, come outside, now!" Liz shouted, almost yelled like crazy.

"Shani?"

I was already opening the door, when I heard man's voice saying my name in the most gentle way. I felt shivers down my spine and my heart beat increased.
I turned and I saw man standing in front of me. He gazed at me, his eyes full of sadness, confusion, full of questions. I swear I saw all shades of blue, green and maybe a little bit of a grey colour in them.

I took few steps toward him, smile appeared on his lips. His shoulders moving up and down, he breathed so heavily.

"Shani," he said my name again. Was it a glance of happiness? Hopeful tone?
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "Do I know you?"