What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 17

6 months later

"Hey, Paddy, how are you?" I came to his apartment.
"Oh, Shani! It's so good to see you!" he hugged me immediately. "Any... any news from Tommy?" he asked nervously.
"Actually, yes, I have a surprise for you. Here," I put my laptop on a table, "he'll be calling in like an hour, so I brought this here, so you can talk to him, too."
"Are you serious? This... Thank you," his eyes full of tears, he put hands on his face. "It's been so long, you know? I thought he migh be back already," Paddy started to cry. "He barely calls, he can't even send a text message."
"Paddy," I took his hand and held it tight. "I know it's hard, but he needs us to be strong for him, positive, please. He has only us. And we have each other, so we'll make it together, okay?"
"You're a blessing to our family," he nodded and gently caressed my hair. "His mother would adore you."

"It's uncle Tommy!!!!" kids started to yell, when Tommy appeared on screen and we went to see him.
"Oh, wow, you all are there," Tommy chuckled and put down his helmet. "Hey guys!" he smiled. He looked tired, very tired, big black circles under his eyes implied, that he hasn't been sleeping a lot.
"Happy birthday, Tommy!" we all said at once and kids threw a confetti in the air.
"Oh wow, thank you all! But hey, where's a cake?" he chuckled.
"Right here," I showed him a small cupcake with a candle. "Make a wish, love," I said.
"Done," he nodded and I blew off the candle flame.

"How are you, Tommy?" later after he has talked with his family, I took a laptop to his room and sat on the bed.
"Uhmmm," he hummed deeply, "I miss you... I miss you so much it hurts," he said softly. "I thought I'd be back already, but it's like our unit is cursed or what. Every damn time, it's a plane crash, bad weather, new mission. It's hard, I won't lie."
I've always thought, how do soldiers' wives deal with situations like that. There is no right answer, there is not only one way. How can anybody say, that one way is better than another. How can somebody say, that if you don't cry, you don't love your partner enough? Or when you cry, you're not strong enough for him.
"I know, what will make your day better," I grinned. "You wanna see your birthday gift?"
"Sure," Tommy nodded, his eyes bright again.
"So, today, I went shopping, cause, I was feeling a little bit blue," I talked and I started to unbotton my shirt. "And I wad thinking, what should I buy to make Tommy happy, you know?" I tried to be a little theatrical and it worked, because he enjoyed it, he was smiling and giggling.
"I mean food? No. Uhm, puppy? Yeah, puppies are cute, but is it the best gift for you? Kittens, wow, what if he's alergic?" I bit my bottom lip.
"And then, Tommy, baby, I saw it! It was there, right there!" I slowly took my shirt off, first one shoulder, then second.
"So, happy birthday, soldier," I took it off completely and showed him a black leather and lace bra.
"Damn, how do you do a print screen on this thing?" he stared at me and I saw him touching the screen.
"I can't wait to tear this from you, when I get back," he raised his eyebrow.
"Whaaat? You have any idea, how expensive this is?" I chuckled.

"Hey, Shani, looking good!" two soldiers suddenly appeared behind Tommy.
"Son of a ..." Tommy took something and threw it to their direction.
"Come on, don't be shy, she could be on the Playboy cover!" one soldier came to Tommy and nudged him with elbow. I quickly hid myself with a shirt.
"Hey guys, thanks for ruining our moment," I said with a smile. They were Tommy's best friends, he has served with one of them before, so I was glad, when he told me, he has an old friend in new unit.
"He will be all night long now like, oh Shani, I miss Shani," his friend imitated Tommy's voice, I had to laugh.
"You're still here?" Tommy rolled his eyes.
"Sorry, babe," he gave me a smile.
In that moment a picture on screen shook and signal got bad. I swear I heard an explosion.
"Shit," I've heard one of his friend cursing and leaving the tent quickly.
"Shani, I must go," Tommy put his helmet on.
"I love..." I said, but the screen went black before I was able to finish the sentence.
You can do both, when you miss the half of your heart. Be supportive and then cry yourself to sleep in his bed, your face buried in his clothes.

"You're okay?" Paddy gave me a cup of coffee the next morning.
"I am telling myself, that I am," I gave him a sad smile.
"How's school, Shani? How about your wolves?" he rather changed a subject.
"Oh, well, actually they published my study in a scientific magasine. I have my finals next month and uhmm, then that's it, I'll be a veterinarian."
"You just saying that like it's nothing! But, oh my God, congratulations!" Padyy gave me a hug. "So and what's next?"
"I have already a job in a center. I decided to stay with my pack," I said and saw big relief on his face.
"Come on, like I could leave you all," I winked. "I'll stop by on Sunday, okay?"I checked my watch and went to the doors. "Brendan and Tesd said, they'll come too, so a family dinner, what do you say?"
"I can't wait," Paddy whispered all touched.
"Alright, take care," I said and left. I got on the street. One era is about to end in my life, the next chapter will begin. I really hope Tommy to be here next month, see me graduate. I feel so lost without him, my apartment seems to be so big and empty. I must admit some days I sleep in center in observatiom room surrounded with a litter of puppies, who were born this spring.
But we'll make it, I have faith. We will have the time of our lives soon, we have to... We have to...