What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 32

FEBRUARY

"I hate this," I murmured nervously, sitting on the chair, trying to took off shoes from my feet. "Baby girl, I know you have a really great time, but I can't wait, when you will be here in my arms and I won't feel like a whale anymore," I said to my big belly and a small movement came as an answer.
"You will have an answer for everything, right?" I chuckled and finally took off the right shoe.
"Now, let's go see your dad," I sat on the big sofa and switched on the TV.
"Oh, hey! Am I late?" Paddy opened the door and quickly took off his jacket, hat and sat next to me.
"No, no!" I laughed, because he looked so funny doing these quick piecemeal moves. "It hasn't even started yet," I said.
"Oh, well then," he shrugged and went to the kitchen. "How about something to eat, hm? Are you, girls, hungry?"
"Always," I winked and he heated some food in microwave.
"Everything good? How do you feel, Shani?" he asked me.
"Well, she has been kicking like crazy for last two days. So, I guess she just makes her more comfortable by building next room in my belly. I mean, I am so huge, I can't even put on or take off my shoes."
"Oh, wait for the last month!"
"Yeah, that is very comforting. I can't imagine to be bigger than now. Oh, oh look!"
I pointed on the screen.
"Baby girl! It's your dad!"
Tommy appeared in TV, next championship in LA. He worked hard for this and so far it seems like he might win.
"It's so weird to see him like this. I mean he is such a gentle person, who could tell he can beat somebody like that," I commented the fight pensively and Paddy started to laugh.
"What?" I looked at him.
"It is more bizarre, than you can imagine. Pregnant woman watching brutal MMA fight, with a mouth full of food. Making comments on how her husband beating the shit out of the people, is a gentle person. I mean..." Paddy wiped tears from his eyes.
"Well, he is!" I laughed and watched Tommy, who seriously did beat the shit out of the other fighter. "I mean, when he is not doing this."

My husband. It still seems so weird to hear it. We had a beautiful small ceremony few weeks later after I got from the hospital. Tommy proposed his own way. We came home, I went to the bed and fell asleep in few seconds. When I woke up, he was lying beside me, watching me.
"Are you hungry?" he asked me.
"Yes," I whispered.
He helped me to sit and went to the kitchen for a food.
"What is going on?" I asked him, because he kept watching me.
"I just try to... Alright... Listen, uhm. I would like to give you something. I found it, when I came home from Iraq. It was here on the table, packed with my name. It was a gift for Christmas and I couldn't open it. And to be honest, I forgot about it completely. So, I have an idea. How about you gave me this present now and I will give you your present, that I wanted to give after my return."
"Okay," I smiled. "So, Tommy, my love. I have a gift for you. And even though I have no idea, what gift it is, I hope you're gonna like it."
"Thank you," he smiled and opened it.
It was a photo album, full of our pictures.
"Oh my God!" I put plate aside. "Look at it!" I watched pictures from forgotten time of my past life.
"Tell me more about it!"
Then I spent hours listening to the stories about us.
"Is it a printscreen?"
"Yeah, yeah. You took them, when we were skyping, while I was in Iraq."
"This is the last one. You know what? We were together for what a little bit over month, when you left? And look at it, it seems like years. Like we have been together since..." I started to cry. "Hormones or what."
"It's okay," he took me in his arms. "I think I am ready to give you my gift. The truth is, I wanted to give you first day after I came from Iraq, but uhm... Things were a little bit complicated."
"Yeah a little bit," I chuckled through tears.
"So, here it is," he opened his hand and I saw a ring lying on his palm.
"Marry me, Shani."

"Alright, time to go to bed," I yawned and went to the Tommy's room. "Good night, Paddy."
"Good night, Shani!"

An hour later, almost midnight and I am still awake. It seems, like my baby is trying to kick it's way from my belly.
"Hush, my sweet. I really need a few hours of sleep," I rubbed my belly and whispered tiredly. "Oh, I shouldn't eat so much, my stomach hurts."

Luckily, baby calmed down and I fell asleep. But life plays with us in a special ways.
I woke up, it was still dark outside, extreme pain inside my belly. Tense muscles, regular contractions.
"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no. It's too early, it's not your time yet, baby," I stood up and had to sit back on the bed quickly.

"Yeah?" Tommy's sleepy voice came from the phone.
"Tommy," Paddy nervously exclaimed. "It's here! Shani is on the way to hospital!"
"What? She has a due date at the beginning of April!"
"I know, I know, but... oh my god.. Tess is here, we are heading to hopital, I will call you, when we get there!"

"It's my fault. It's my fault! I told her today, I can't wait to see her, that the belly is obstructive and that I want her outside already and she thinks I don't want her inside," I cried through pain.
"Nonsense!" Tess and doctor Murphy looked at each other smiling. "She simply decided to come outside earlier. It will be okay, relax, breathe. I will come here in few minutes. Everything is okay, baby's heart beating as it should, everything goes fine."
"Tess, could you please switch of the lights? It's driving me crazy," I whispered and she let only the lights from the hallway come to the room.
"Better?"
"Yes."
"How could you do it twice?" I whispered under breath.
"You will forget about the pain the second they will give you your baby to your arms, I promise," Tess held my hand and spoke to me in a calm voice.

"Thank you for being here with me."
"That's a sure thing," she smiled.
"Don't let doctors to take her away, okay? If she's fine I want her to be with me immediately."
"Okay."

"Dad? Dad!" Tommy appeared in the hospital's hallway few hours later.
"Tommy?! How did you get here so quickly?"
"I was lucky to catch a plane. Where.... Where is she?"
"You mean - where are they?" Paddy smiled and Tommy froze for few seconds.
"Oh," he moaned. "Are they okay?"
"Yes, you have a daughter... She's well... She 's so small," Paddy started to cry. "But she's healthy. Come."
He took him to the end of the hallway.

"Shani," he whispered and I opened my eyes.
"Tommy? You came here so soon!"
"Of course I did," he said and I watched him to go to the sink, cleaning his hands.
He stood next to my bed and tried to hold tears coming from his eyes.
"She really is small," he said softly and sat next to me.
I put down a blanket and he watched our daughter, who was sleeping on my chest.
"Doctors allowed me to have her here instead of incubator. I think I can keep her warm better than some electronic mat and I also think I am better respiratory monitoring device, than a machine."
"I would never doubt that. Can I hold her?"
"Yeah, of course," I sat, holding her on my body and carefully gave her in his arms.
"You were so curious, how does the world look like, that you came out a month earlier, hm?" he kissed her forehead. "So, everything is fine?" he looked at me.
"Yes, yes, she is fine, healthy. Doctor said we can go home in few days," I watched them from the bed.
"Awesome," Tommy smiled and went next to the window with her to see her in the daylight. "We should choose her a name. How does she look like?"
"I don't know."
"How about Thea? She looks like Thea," Tommy said without raising his eyes. She suddenly opened her eyes and looked at him, then yawned and fell asleep again.
"Did you see that? I think she likes that name," he whispered and went back to me. I moved and he sat on the bed.
"Take some sleep, I will wake you, when she wakes up," he kissed me and I put my head on his shoulder, next to our daughter. It was the best sleep I have ever had. I felt safe, happy, I didn't mind the pain, my daughter's breathing and sound of Tommy's heart was like a calming lullaby to me.

We spent week in hospital and we were ready to go home. Small apartment waited for us, totally unprepared for a small child. We somehow realized, that we don't need much to raise a child. Few weeks after I gave birth, we went to show our baby to a pack.
"So, Thea, this place will be your second home, see?" Tommy walked through the center carrying our daughter.
Wolves are amazing creatures, they accepted our baby immediately. She watched wolves walking around us, we saw her first smile there, first syllable belonged to the wolf.

Part of my memory remained forgotten. I decided not to dwell on the past, when I have the most beautiful presence - with our daughter, my warrior beside me, who watches us daily and nightly and pack of wolves that remind us, that family is all that matters.