What if I was nothing (Tommy Conlon fanfiction)

Part 23

"Dad? Do I have any friends?" I asked, sitting behind the table in our kitchen on Tuesday morning.
"I'm sorry, what?" he put down his glasses and looked at me surprised.
"Do I have any friends? You know like former class mates, best friend to share things, somebody who I call when I am sad, somebody who goes shopping with me, for coffee. It seems like I have nobody in my life except you and Liz. And it feels lonely."
"Oh, I'm sorry dear, I had no idea you feel that way," Liz gave me a smile. "But how about Madison, Jane, they are your friends and how about Peter?" she asked.
"Well, that's the thing, they are Peter's friends," I shrugged.
"Every single significant person, who belongs to your life was invited to the welcome party you had, when you came home from hospital. Your boyfriend, friends, family. Maybe you need more time to know them again. Call them, ask them to go to see the movie or go shopping as you said. You'll see, you will find the bonds, that you have shared," my father said slowly and then he finished the whole converstion by a question.
"Shouldn't you be in the center, to meet Peter by the way?" he put his glasses on and continued in reading newspaper.

I jumped in the car and drove to the city. I parked few blocks from the diner, where I should meet Tommy. I felt like it's not a good time to tell my father, I am going to see him. So, I told him I have a date with my boyfriend, Peter. Hmmm, boyfriend. I have no idea how can I date this guy. Was I drunk or high when I met him? It's so awkward to be with him, near him. I can imagine he could be my friend, but I still can't find a way to accept him as something more. Even thought everybody suggests we should get marry soon. I mean, I am not even able to kiss that guy, how on Earth could I marry him. If he propose me, I think I'll run away screaming. Shouldn't I feel at least something? You know, when you meet somebody and it clicks.

Oh, so it should be here, I watched the building with the Denny's diner sign and I entered.
I had no idea, if he is there. I was so nervous, that I didn't ask him what time will he be here. And of course he is not here and I don't know if he is not here yet or he left already.
Nice brown haired waitress with the biggest smile put down her phone, when I came and sat behind the bar.
"Hello!" she said in a high voice. "What can I offer you? Oh, well, don't say anything. Coffee and this apple pie, right?"
"Oh, if you say so, I guess I'll have a coffee and apple pie," I laughed. "Can I sit back there?"
"Of course, I'll bring it to you," she winked.
I sat down next to the big window and wached dogs running in the park. I had to laugh, the unfeigned happiness from the smell of the grass, from the new dog, that appeared behind the tree. Such a pure souls.
"Hey, Mary," Tommy came five minutes later. "Can you give me a coffee, please?"
"Sure. By the way, she's sitting there. Good luck, big guy," Mary whispered and poured him a coffee.

"Hello," Tommy came to me and sat against me.
"Oh, I am so glad, that I came in the right time, 'cause we kind of didn't settle the time to meet," I chuckled.
"I know. But I'd wait here for you," Tommy smiled. "How have you been?"
"Good, I think. My life is kinda boring. Just hospital, rehabilitation, psychologist and endless nights."
"You can't sleep?"
"No. I can't, I refuse to take drugs, you know. But I think I will have to, because I sleep like two hours and then I lay in my bed, stare to the ceiling and think."
"I'm sorry."
"Well, my doctor says it will get better, so, fingers crossed," I laughed.
"Listen, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," Tommy nodded.
"Before the accident and before you left to the Iraq, tell me, what did I like to do? Like did I have any hobbies or did you and me hang out, did something together maybe? I am trying to find myself, but everytime I think I have found something, that could make me happy, somebody cones and tells me, that it's stupid."
"That somebody is your father, I assume," Tommy whispered.
"You don't like him, do you?"
"Let's say he has never approved our rel... friendship," Tommy stammered and coughed nervously. "But uhm, to answer your question. You liked to be in nature a lot, animals they were a significant and I think the most important part of your life. I would say, it is weird to actually see you in a skirt and blouse and without a headphones."
"What? Is this wrong?" I looked at my clothes.
"I don't say I don't like it, it's just... It doesn't feels like you. But maybe I am wrong."
"What kind of music did I like? Because you see, my father, he likes classical music and he keeps persuading me, that this style is my favourite too. Don't get me wrong, I like it too. But it doesn't give me chills the same way, when I listen to..."
"Led Zeppelin? Deep Purple or let me guess Rainbow?" Tommy finished my sentence.
"I see why my father doesn't like you. You... You know me better, than he does. Actually, right now, you know me better than I know myself."
"I don't want to stand between you and your family, but I don't want to lie to you at the same time."
"Thank you, Tommy," I said softly and we spent some time in silence. It was very comfortable and I realized, that it's so calm and quiet in my head. Lately it has seemed like voices inside my head were screaming, but now I felt so peaceful and relaxed.
"I should go, I have a... meeting in town and... yeah, I should go..." I said few minutes later.
"Oh, okay," Tommy nodded and he seemed sad, that I'm leaving.
"Listen. I am leaving for like two weeks, my father is taking me and Liz to some conference in Canada. I wanted to ask... If it's okay. Can I have your phone number?" I asked and my voice was shaking so hard, I thought I will never be able to finish that question.
"Of course, do you have a pen?" Tommy smiled and he wrote his number on a napkin.
"Thank you," I hid it in my purse.
"I'll call, when I get back."
"Okay," he gave me a smile. "Take care, Shani."
"You too, Tommy."