Breaking down

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I stared at him in shock. I was wondering if I had heard the words right. I knew I liked Luke, a lot, I couldn't deny that. But we had only met the week before, and he was a fucking rockstar. I knew my heart wanted to say yes, but my brain was telling me no. He would be touring all around the world, probably leaving me behind, and I would become another forgotten fling in the 5SOS history. Added to that, my best friend had big-arse crush for him, and I couldn't do that to her, not with what was going on in her family at the moment.  I knew I was over-reacting, but I couldn't help myself. I shook my head ever so slightly, but as soon as Luke caught a glimpse of the movement, his face fell. 

"I'm sorry Luke, I can't. I like you, you're amazing and all, but there's too much going on at the moment for me to commit to something serious." I whispered, pulling my face back to the crook of his neck. "One day, I promise." I muttered, my lips pressed against his delicate skin. I felt his grip tighten around my waist, and I felt him nod. 

A few moments later, I looked back up at him, and looked him in the eyes. He was hurt, I could tell, but he didn't want to show it. A shadow of a smile showed on his face, and I leant in and pecked his lips, slow and sweet. 

We stayed like this for a long time, not bothering to keep track of time. Suddenly, his phone rang, to the sound of Dammit by Blink.

He shuffled over, answering his phone. I heard bits of sentences, but not enough to make sense of the conversation. He hung up a couple minutes later, and lay back in bed, an annoyed look on his face. 

"We have a recording session in about an hour, I'd completely forgotten about it." He sighed. 

"Better get up and going then, I guess." I shrugged and got out of bed, pulling Luke with me. He got up, and walked over to me. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tight. 

"I wasn't joking earlier, I really want to be with you, one day, when all of this dies down." I whispered in his ear.

"I'll be there when you're ready." He answered back, giving me a quick peck before grabbing his clothes and making his way to the bathroom. I sat back down on the bed and texted Aylin.

Hey hon, how's everything? x

She didn't answer for a while, and I saw Luke come out of the bathroom, he was dressed and ready for the day. He handed me over the pants I had leant him, and smiled. His hair had been quiffed to perfection, and it just made me want to run my hand through it. I shook my head at the thought, and followed Luke down the stairs.

********

The day had gone by painfully slow, as I hung out with Ben all day, playing video games and talking about nothing and everything. 

Finally, about 5PM, my phoned buzzed and I looked at the text from Ay.

The cops have asked lots of questions, and are going to 'investigate'. 

I stared at my phone, anger forming in the pit of my stomach. How could her dad be such a motherfricking arsehole? 

I shuffled over to the cinema, and looked for a suspense filled action movie. In tough times, only those could make me feel better. I grabbed a glass of peach flavoured iced tea -my favourite- and put it in the cup holder of the seat as I got settled down under a blanket. I stared at the screen, desperate to get everything off of my mind.

My parents walked in about half way through the movie.

"Hey Maddie, everything okay?" I heard my dad's voice reach over from behind the bar. I didn't reply, letting them figure out the answer by themselves. My mum got the hint and walked over, and sat down next to me, looking at me attentively. I stared at her, as a tear started rolling down my cheek. At that precise moment, there was an explosion in the movie, leaving the room in a dead silent atmosphere. I broke down completely, letting loose of all the emotions that I had experienced for the last week. Anger, hurt, confusion, and maybe even love, what did I know. My mum cupped my elbow, and ran soothing fingers up and down my arms. It calmed me, and I finally let out a big sigh, before drying off the tears. 

"Wanna talk about it?" She asked, gently. I shook my head, not in the mood for talking. She nodded and walked away.

"Thanks, mum." I called out before she had left the room.

"Always." She smiled back, sweetly, and closed the door behind her. 

I resumed my attention back to the movie, before drifting slowly to sleep in the comfy cinema seat.

I woke up a couple hours later, I had had a terrible nightmare. Luke and Aylin were hooking up, and Luke completely forgot about me. Ay had become horrid and cold to me, doing all her possible to make me jealous. I sat up, cold shivers running down my spine. I checked the clock, it was quarter to midnight. My parents were probably asleep, and Ben doing whatever in his room. I walked out the cinema, and into the kitchen. I got out a shot glass, poured myself some vodka in it, downed it and started again. The liquid poured down my throat, leaving a burning sensation behind. I hid the bottle of vodka at the back of the pantry, and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I undid the cap with my teeth, hurting myself while doing so, but I didn't care. I walked up the stairs, sat on my bed, and turned on my laptop, while sipping my beer.

I was surprised at how much this whole nightmare had affected me. I mean, it was probably the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I turned on Netflix and started watching pointless TV shows. I texted Ashton, to see if he was still awake. As he answered, I decided I would call him.

He was probably my best friend. Ever since I had spilled out my secret to him, we only got closer, and I learned to like him more, everytime we spoke. 

"Hello?" I heard a mumble as someone picked up.

"Ash?" I asked, unsure of who I was talking to.

"Uh, yeah? Is everything okay?" He asked, worried. 

"I guess so.." I answered, feeling stupid. 

"What does that mean?" He insisted.

"I'm scared about something, Ash." I admitted.

"Spill it." He said in a nice, concerned way. His voice was so sweet and comforting, I couldn't help but oblige.

"Luke asked me to be his girlfriend this morning." I said, hesitantly.

"Oh.." He paused, before starting again. "Well that's great, what did you say?" 

"No, it's not great, I couldn't say yes, not with Aylin around." I whimpered, starting to tear up again.

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused. That's when I remembered he didn't know about the gigantic crush Ay had on Luke, nor did he know about her parents.

"I'm not supposed to tell you this," I paused. "But Ay has the biggest crush on Luke." I answered, blankly.

"Does she like him because he's a good guy, or because he's famous?" He wondered out loud, after a long silence.

"I'm not sure." I lied. Luke and Aylin hadn't gotten to know each other that well, and she had been fussing over him even before they met.

"I see.." He was thinking. I could almost imagine him biting his lip and frowning. "Was that all?" He sensed there was more to the story.

"No, it isn't. I had a nightmare, a couple hours ago." The vodka had had i's effect on me already, and I struggled to find words. I always seemed to be drunk-admitting things to Ashton. I blabbed on about the nightmare, about how Aylin and Luke seemed so happy without me in their lives. Ash was concentrated in what I was saying. It must have been a pain trying to understand me, I was tripping over words, trying to keep my tears in. He let out comments, and approval noises throughout my story. When I was done, he stayed silent for a little bit.

"Listen." He started. "I can't promise you anything. You're my best friend, and I want you to be happy. Just know, that if ever something in those lines happens, I will always be here, you'll always have a shoulder to cry on, and then I'll take you out to dinner, we'll get drunk and be happy." He said, a chuckle in his voice. I smiled at the thought.

"Can't wait." I said, laughing. He always knew how to make me feel better.

never letting go || lrhWhere stories live. Discover now