Preacher Man // ross lynch + driver era

7

A knock of my bedroom door brings me out of my trance. I glance at the clock. 4:42 PM.

"Yeah?" I question, pulling up my jeans. I go to open the door in jeans and a bra, expecting to see one of two roommates. Ross looks at me, his eyes slowly trailing my body. "You're 20 minutes early!" I screech, turning back toward my closet and grabbing the shirt I was planning on wearing before throwing it on quickly.

He laughs, entering inside the room. "I was bored and decided to come early. You look ready though so let's go!"

I roll my eyes, pulling my hair out of my shirt and running my fingers under my eyes, collecting any remnants of makeup. "I love your outfit," I say, observing his sweater.

Ross shrugs, "I try sometimes. Ready, Princess?"

I walk over to him, my hands gripping the material clinging to his body. "I will kill you if you continue calling me that." He laughs in response and starts walking toward the door. "Where are we going?" I annoyingly ask as we make it downstairs to his car.

He ignores my question and climbs into the car, slowly peeling out of the parking lot moments later. I stare at him from the passenger seat, waiting for a response.

"You'll see," he mumbles and continues driving. He looks concentrated, his bottom lip pulled in by his top teeth. I watch his eyes focus in concentration as he shifts lanes. He glances over, his eyes meeting me with a questioning look. "Yes?"

I shake my head and turn to look outside of the window again. He let out a lot of air as if laughing through his nose in response. Minutes later, we turn down this road and he pulls into a spot that faces the beautiful mountains that lay around this town.

He unbuckles and faces me. "Favorite place to park and talk. It's nice to look at the views," he explains.

I smile at him, watching his nervous expression. I reach forward and put my hand over his. "Why do you look so nervous?"

Ross shrugs, "I feel like an asshole leaving this morning. I have a lot going on and I'm trying so hard, okay?" I nod, holding his hand tighter. "I just want to let you know something quick. You bring me so much comfort and I don't understand it. I've known you for a week now? It hurts to go days without seeing you. My brain isn't processing what's happening. I've never felt this way before." He glances at me quickly, his eyes going back to the mountains in front of us.

"Nothing at all has to be rushed. I'm here. You're here. That's all that matters, okay? We are taking this one day at a time." I reply, his warm hand moving to engulf my cold ones. I look up at his face, his eyes rimmed with tears. I immediately pull myself closer to him, my hands moving from his hands up to his face. My stomach twists as I can only imagine the thoughts in his head right now. "What's going on?"

Ross groans, "I hate feeling emotions. I hate this and I hate talking about it. I just don't know who else to talk about it with." I nod, trying to get him to continue without me interrupting.

He leans his head against the seat, taking in shaking breaths. "My mom-" He pushes his head down into my hands that were holding his cheeks as he tries to shield himself from me. "She got diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer recently. Doctor says she only, um, three months left." Ross lets out the most strangled sob I have ever heard in my life that it makes me want to lean out of the car to vomit.

I don't hesitate a second to climb over the middle console, my thighs on either side of his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck, his sobbing echoing throughout the small car. His arms go around my waist as he tugs at me to move closer although our chests are already touching.

"I'm here, it's okay. Let it all out," I whisper into his ear, my hand massaging into his mangled hair.

We sit like this for twenty minutes, his cries filling the car. Ross' hands are pressed against my back and every few minutes, he'd clutch me tighter, trying to pull us even closer. My head is pressed near his head, mumbling comforting words into his ear. Sometimes he'd nod, sometimes he'd cry louder.

Once his cries subside a bit, I lean back gently to observe his face. "I'm so sorry, Ross." I use my sweater's sleeve to rub the drying tears. His eyes are so red and swollen. I lay my head down against his chest, my head nuzzled into his neck. I lean in and gently kiss the skin in front of me.

Moments later he replies, his voice hoarse and the tears coming to an end. "I'm sorry for getting all emotional."

I look at him and place my hands back onto his cheeks to force him to keep eye contact with me. "Don't. Don't ever apologize for being emotional – to me or anyone. It's completely normal and you need to let it out every once in a while."

I know some of my old friends used to be freaked out by a man showing his emotion's because they viewed it as feminine. Fuck that. I'd rather a man be raw and honest then having to shield his emotions from the world. It's human. 

Ross' hand presses into my lower back to keep me close to him as he leans forward and lowers down the heat. The car is extremely warm especially with our bodies mangled within one another's. "I want you to meet the rest of my family," he speaks softly. "I need you to meet my mom."

Anxiety creeps through my bones, but I ignore it while answering. "Of course. Anything," I reply, a smile on my face. He gives me a weak smile back.

"I'm happy I met you. I don't even feel embarrassed for crying. I can't even remember the last time I cried in front of anyone. I hate doing it," he says a few minutes later. His head is titled back against the headrest, his eyes on the ceiling. I lean forward, holding my lips softly against his cheek. "I'm sorry for running out this morning. I forgot my mom had her first chemotherapy session today."

I nod, "It's okay. I understand why you didn't tell me. I appreciate you letting me know though. I am here for you. Always."

He lets out a breath from deep within his chest as he pulls me closer to him, laying his head on top of mine. We sat like this for a while, the only noise coming from our breathing and the soft hum of the radio.

The sun had set too early and we were left in darkness for a while. There were no other cars around and not many people taking the road behind us.

Ross lays with me and his thumb is rubbing small circles into my back. My head is against his collarbone, my hand playing with his long blonde hair at the top of his neck. Despite the heartbreaking news, here we lie with two hearts desperately trying to find love under the shine of the moon and the town's bright lights.