Preacher Man // ross lynch + driver era

45

Ross' Point of View

I wanted to argue. I don't know what provoked me to feel as if I needed more adrenaline for tonight. I picked a fight with Hayley.

I expected her to forgive me easily and we could go upstairs to sleep together. But she didn't. She told me to go upstairs and essentially realize that she does appreciate me when she's not around.

I know she appreciates me, but I don't know how to appreciate it. Nobody has given me a chance before and dealt with my shit. Hayley does. Hayley cares so much about me and I choose to pick fights with her.

I make her cry out of frustration. I make her scared that I'm going to be arrested. I drive her crazy.

And now that she left and I'm sitting in this empty apartment alone, I miss her.

I went upstairs and took some melatonin to knock myself out so I didn't have to stay awake too long and think about all the things I've been putting off.

I forgot about the horrible, vivid dreams I have when I take melatonin.

- dream -

I was putting on my suit that I wore to my mother's funeral. It's as if the day was repeating and I want it to stop. Instead of being at my apartment, I'm at my family's house and it hurts even more because I see my family crying the entire time.

With a heavy heart, I sit in the car with Rydel on the way to the funeral home. She was sobbing the whole time as she was at my mom's funeral earlier today.

"Rydel, relax. I don't think you should be driving like this," I say to her. She's shaking the steering wheel and I'm gripping onto the door to steady myself or else I'll be sick.

She turns to me. "How are you not upset! Our mom is gone and.." and she continues her sobbing.

I'm praying we get to the funeral home in one piece before we end up in two caskets beside my mother. I nod as she continues her drive. Thankfully we pull into the parking lot that only had a few cars in it.

I climb out of the car and look at the funeral home. I don't want to see my mother again with her fake makeup and wig. This is what I get for not accepting my mother's death, my dream will make me relive it over and over.

I wait until Rydel walks over to me to walk inside. It's the same set up, but not a lot of people are here yet.

I inhale deeply to prepare myself to walk inside of the room where the casket is. As I was walk over to it, my heart drops.

It's not my mom, it's Hayley.

My body reacts before my mind does as I stumble backwards and trip over the chairs placed neatly in a row. I land on the floor as I feel like I'm going to throw up and I can't think. My brain can't comprehend and I feel out of it.

"Is this some sick joke?" I yell at Rydel.

Rydel turns to me. "This is what you did to her! You made her drive home upset. Do you even know where she is? She drank that night didn't she?" Rydel screams.

"I didn't... I didn't do anything to her."

She turns back and grabs my hand to pull me closer to the casket. "You did this to her. You didn't care, you never do. Lost your mom and your girlfriend in the same week, how does that feel, Ross?"

I need to wake up. I need to wake up. I need to wake up.

- awake -

I jolt awake with my body on the floor covered in sweat. "Where the hell is my phone?" I scream to myself as I fumble around in the dark. I dial in Hayley's number and it rings. And rings. I know she leaves her phone on high in case anything happens.