Love Who You Love

Chapter 10|| "Without Any Loss You Never Gain What's Good"

     Man, where do I start? It almost seems unreal how everything has changed. Let me explain;

     Darry's now 5 months pregnant with the twins, man, it's crazy how fast the babies are growing! It seems like just yesterday he told me he was pregnant, now we're only 4 months away from holding them as newborns. Through all of this, Darry's been going through some major changes. His hormones are everywhere, what I mean is that he'll cry or get angry at the simplest things. And if he wasn't before, he's definitely showing now. Even had to buy new jeans and shirts that fit over his stomach. When that started to happen he cried over "getting fat" and it took hours to convince him he wasn't. I guess he always had a problem with his body, but being pregnant only made it worse.

The pregnancy has made me happy as can be! But some things definitely are different now and tons of things have gotten harder over time. Darry almost got fired from his job after he told his boss the news, all because he's a "freak". Somehow, and I don't know how, Darry managed to convince his boss to let him just do the paper work until the babies are born. He was lucky he didn't get thrown out and spit at. The world is a cruel place, plain fact.

     Darry's health isn't tip-top either. His back isn't stiff from the roofing accident anymore but it aches because he's getting farther along. His morning sickness never went away, either. We have another appointment with the doc soon. Only problem is, Darry doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to go because last time we went the docs said baby A, who's a girl, had a problem with her heart. The news crushed him to pieces. Darry's scared out of his mind in all of this, he never shows it around the gang but whenever we're alone he starts balling because he gets so worried. I've had to help him with a lot more panic attacks because of it, he doesn't deserve that much anxiety. It worries me a lot more than what you'd except from me. I'm not as "cold hearted" as people think.

     If I'm so cold hearted than why have I been planning a surprise for a long time? It might not be the best timing...but I think I'm going to propose. It's all planned out, I've even gotten him a ring and a speech to go with it. The ring's a simple one, silver with grooves wrapping around it making it look like the top of a wavy ocean. I think he'll love it! It's simple but beautiful, just like him!

I'm nervous that he'll say no. All kinds of stuff happens like that. And I'm even more nervous about the appointment tomorrow, all I can think about is if something is getting worse. I want to cry and panic with Darry but I've got to stay calm, not for me but for him. He'll always be more scared than I am. If something were to go wrong he'd blame himself no matter what the situation was. I have to be there to make sure everything is alright.

     Back when I was little, there's this thing my mother always said. It helped me through lots of hard times and I'm sure it'll get me through more. Man, she sure would love to see her first grandchildren....

"Without any loss, you never gain what's good."

                            ************

     Dally was shaken awake by Darry who was muttering for him to wake up, a worried and pained tone laced in his voice. Dally groaned as Darry continued to call his name and violently shake him awake, it irritated him for sure. He was awake in no time, being the light to moderate sleeper he is.

"Dally, come on, Dally!" He whispered. His voice wavered as if he was in serious pain, which he was. The poor boy hadn't felt pain like this in his entire life, and he never wanted to feel it again.

"Mmmm....what?" Dally groggily spoke. The blonde was beyond tired from working so much at the farm. He knew he over did it but they needed more money. Dally opened his eyes and looked at the clock he was facing; 3:30 am was written in big red block numbers.