Thoughts and feelings

Novemeber 28th

I did everything I could.
I stayed for as a long as I could.
I gave everything I could.
But I'm done.
I'm done being in a situation where everything happens over and over again. And honestly, it's not like it's different things that happens, it's the same exact thing happening over and over again.
So I'm done.
I put myself into something and someone who was only giving me 50% of themselves while giving the other half to someone when I was giving him my 100%. I was there for him. I cared for him. Made sure he was okay. Made sure he ate. Made sure of everything for this kid but his attention was with her.
I put myself into a toxic relationship where I kept believing, "Things will get better. It won't happen again. Oh he won't hurt me anymore." But in the end, whatever I told myself, it was all fake. It was all a lie. I was just lying to myself and you were feeding me the lies.
Chance after chance after chance, I grew up and realized what I'm doing. I grew up and took myself out of that situation.
Yes, I was hurt. I was hurt to the point where I didn't want to live anymore. I was hurt to the point where I was depressed all the time but I didn't show it. Hell, I was so hurt to the point where I would even self harm to let the stress out and the feeling it gave me, it released everything.
It's not like I was hurt at the end of everything, I was hurting throughout the whole relationship but I just put a smile on my face and acted like everything is okay.
It's something i became very good at.
I put myself in a situation that contained of, always being cheated on, always lied too, the person always doing the opposite of what I told them to do, and the worse part is, he knew what he was doing and he knew it was hurting me.
So I'm done.
My trust issues are at their peaks because of him. It's hard for me to trust anyone because of him. It's hard to even look at someone and not be afraid for what to come because of him. It's hard to put a real smile on my face because all I'm good at is putting a fake smile on my face BECAUSE OF HIM.
My wall is built back up just because of one person that fucked me up pretty bad but yet, I'm still here trying to be friends because that's just who I am...
But the thing is, I'm not as hurt as I was while being in the relationship, the situation. I actually feel relieved and happy for once. I can be myself again without negativity and lies being thrown my way. I'm finally happy and it's gonna take a while to get used to it.
I won't let anyone or anything ruin it. No matter what happens or what had happened to me, I came out stronger. So thank you for breaking me down because it just taught me how to come out even stronger than before.