Thoughts and feelings

I didnt mean to kill her

I didn't mean to kill her. I swear I didn't mean too but somethings never work out the way you want them too.

I didn't mean to kill her. I swear i didn't mean too. I killed her self love, her smile, her laughter, her happiness, her love towards everyone, and most importantly, i killed her soul. 

All she ever wanted was someone to love her and to show her how beautiful she was, how smart, how kind, and how her smile would light up the room but that never happened. After i killed her, it felt like an emptied space in the middle of world where she felt like she shouldn't even be here. She would often think that no one will want her due to her flaws that she had in life and with that, she believed that she deserved nothing but hurt.  She was just a girl like almost every other girl in this place but something to her seemed off. She decided that she was just a little different. She didn't look like the other girls that would hangout with her, she didn't laugh or smile like them, and she just wasn't as pretty as them. Her friends would always tell her that it didn't matter but deep down, she cared and felt like the odd one in the group.

Everyone had flaws but with hers, she didn't understand why she had the ones that she had. she never understood why she was different or why everyone was different than her. All she wanted was to fit in. So yes she died her hair a different color, yes she started to wear make up more often, yes she started to work out so she can have a body that people would like, and yes, she thought it would help but it never did. It just made her even more different than everyone because she wasn't the one to do those things. So i took things into my own hands and killed that girl. I killed the shy, lonely, scared, happy, out going, and sad girl because i knew no one would miss her but in the end, i knew i would miss her. I would miss her because the girl that i killed was myself.

I didn't mean to kill her but if i didn't then i wouldn't have became the person i am today. I killed my old self and came out a different person.

i killed her due to the hateful words from people, the backstabbing friends, people walking over her, and her simply not liking herself in the skin she was already in. She was in high school when i killed her over a course of 2 months but after those months, she said thank you to me because i made her stronger and more beautiful than ever. I showed her that no one will walk over her again, that she is beautiful with or without make up, that she doesn't need those friends who say they're your friend but talked shit behind your back, and i made her see that its okay to seem different than others because not everyone is the same. We are all different in our own ways and that is okay.

I killed her and i didn't mean too.

I killed myself but i came back stronger than ever.

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This passage is a way of saying that I killed my old, weak self and came out a more bold, stronger, and happier self.  It's a saying that all those things that has happened, happened for a reason and it only helped me turn myself into the woman I want to be in my future. It helped me to see that it's okay to want change in yourself but always remember that you are beautiful no matter what people say or do about you. You are you and I came to agreement with that for myself. So don't forget that you are better and bigger than anyone and you can always change yourself in the future if you don't like what you are doing now. Never forget that you are you and no one but you can change that!