The feeling...
The feeling. The feeling feels so good. The coolness of the blade running against your skin. Knowing what the blade can do if you push down harder is the best....
I been clean from cutting and self harming myself for about 4 years. I haven't done this since Freshman year. Everything was getting to me and hurting me so I thought "let me try this. Let's see how this feels. Let's see if it'll hurt me" but it didn't do anything. All it did was cut through my skin and made me bleed. But I didn't bleed much because I didn't want the scars. Even though I didn't cut that deep, it still felt good and it took the pain I was feeling and made it physical pain which felt good. It took away my pain and replaced it. It made me stress free. But I haven't done it since then... and now, on February 24th 2018, I want to cut myself. I want to hurt myself. I want to feel nothing. I want to not care. I want to let go and fall into a very deep slumber and not wake up. And if I do wake up, I want to not remember a single damn thing that has happened the night before or anything that has happened in my life. February 24th 2018 is the day that I will cut myself. That I will not feel a single thing. And if anyone sees the marks on my thighs, I'll just say that I got scratched by my bothers cat because that tends to work all the time. Which is really stupid. Who gets scratched by a cat almost every night? Idk but a lot of people use that saying and I'm about to be one of those people tonight.
Right now, I'm just running the tiny blade over my skin and it's amazing. All I have to do is push down on it and Bam! The cut begins. The bleeding starts. Not a lot but at least some. It looks like a cut. A scratch. I can get away with it. Yes. Yes I can. And no one can stop me from doing it. Tonight is when I'll stop feeling and stop caring for good. Say goodbye to the old Alexis and say hello to the new.
The burning. The stinging. The perfect pain.
1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cut, 4
I'm damaged and no one will want me... I'm fucked up on the outside and on the inside. No one will love me... I guess it's just time for me to accept that... it's time to get use to being alone
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts and feelings
Short StoryYou'll get the understanding of how I'm feeling in my daily life and you'll understand why. You'll get the picture of what's going through my mind with my wild thoughts. Some of you may be able to relate to me but others won't and that's okay. I'm j...
