The Heartbreak Factor - Part Four

Chapter Twenty-Five.

Walking into Chloe and Josh’s apartment, I looked around but there was no sign of either of them. “Chloe,” I called, checking the kitchen. “The door was open so..” I paused as I walked into the bedroom to hear sobbing coming from the bathroom. “Chloe?”

Peering around the corner of the bathroom door, I saw Chloe kneeling down beside the sink basin in tears. “Chloe!” I said, rushing over as she looked up at me with more tears filling up in her eyes. “What’s up? What’s happened? Are you okay?”

She shook her head as I wrapped my arms around her quaking shoulders and held onto her tightly. Instead of responding to my question, she just continued to cry in my arms. Gently stroking her back in an attempt to comfort her, I couldn’t help but feel bad as she sobbed – I had never seen her like this, ever. 

After a few moments, I pulled away from her and slumped down to sit beside her, resting against the bathroom wall. “Are you going to tell me what’s happened now, Chloe?” I asked softly. “I can’t help you unless you tell me.”

Chloe looked at me with a look of terror on her face. 

“Chloe, you’re really scaring me now,” I paused. “What’s going on?”

Again, without saying anything, Chloe just reached up to the shelf above the sink and grabbed something, handing it to me before I had chance to see what it was. 

“Chloe..”

“I know,” she sobbed. “I’m pregnant.”

“This is a good thing, isn’t it?” I asked. “You’ll make an amazing mum.”

“It’s not. I’m not ready. I’ve only just got settled down properly. I’m not ready to look after myself properly, let alone look after a baby.”

I let out a little laugh to myself.

“What?”

“Can you remember when I found out I was pregnant? Can you remember all my doubts before I had Katy?” I looked at Chloe as she nodded. “I had so many worries and so many doubts. I didn’t think I’d be okay as a mum. I didn’t know if I was ready. I was still a baby myself in my own eyes, but hey! I managed. Katy’s happy and healthy. I’m happy and healthy. That’s all that matters, right?”

Chloe shrugged her shoulders, using the sleeve of her top to wipe her teary eyes with. “But you’re more mature than me, Sammy,” Chloe paused. “You’ve always been more mature than me. You know how to deal with stuff – I don’t. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this yet.”

I looked at her, trying to determine what to say to her in my mind. I knew how stubborn she was; I also knew nothing I could say could change her mind. I stood up and walked back into the lounge, sitting down on her sofa. After a few moments, she followed me, sniffling away her tears. 

“I know you found it hard, but you’re a great mum and everybody knew you would as you were amazing with Jack when your mum had him,” Chloe began to explain. “I can’t cope with a baby. I hold my little cousins like a bomb, not a baby. I’m not ready yet. I might be one day but not today. I’ve already made up my mind and..”

I interrupted her before she had the chance to finish her sentence. “The first time that I held Katy. The first time that I laid my eyes on her. The first time that I felt her little heart beating as I held her to my chest. The first time that she smiled at me. The first time that she said ‘mummy’ to me. It makes it all worth it and makes me forget about all those doubts and worries I had when I first found out I was pregnant.” 

“I know you love Katy, but I’m not ready for that,” Chloe snapped, standing up from the sofa and storming out of the lounge and back down the hallway to her bedroom that she shared with Josh. “I’ve made up my mind.”

“You need to discuss this with Josh,” I called after her. “It’s his baby too.”

“It’s my body though,” she argued, walking back into the lounge, holding her phone and laptop in her hands. “If I tell him, it’s obvious that he’ll make me keep it. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“I can’t let you do this though, Chloe,” I paused. “That’s Josh’s baby too and he has the right to decide with you.”

“It’s not a baby though,” Chloe growled. “It’s just some cells.”

I could feel myself filling with anger as she was adamant that her mind was made up. “Do whatever you wanna do but I’m not gonna be a part of your lies.” 

“You don’t understand!” Chloe screamed. “Nobody does.”

“I don’t understand?” I paused. “I think I understand the most, Chloe. I’ve not only got a baby but I’ve lost one too. I know exactly what it’s like to not want a baby but when you lose it, you want nothing but that baby. The only difference is mine wasn’t by choice. You have the choice to keep the baby. You have the choice to see that baby grow up but you’re just being selfish and taking the chance away from not only you but Josh too. He has the right to know.”

Chloe didn’t reply. Tears streamed down her face in anger as I looked at her.

“I can’t even look at you if you actually think this is acceptable.”

And with that, I turned back around and left the apartment, leaving Chloe alone with her thoughts.