Madrid Squad

Not Enough

Every child in the household of Kylie and Ruru were diverse in their own ways but also united by a few traits or common interests. Amir is the most understanding thing in the universe and he's responsible and has been that way since he learned to talk. He's the best kuya you could ever ask for. Noelle is a firecracker. She's opinionated and brave and headstrong (or borderline stubborn). Then, there's little not-so-little Silas. The boy is a ball of charm and energy. He's the joy giver of the household, always so smiley and joyful. He had a certain vibe to him that just drew people's good sides and brought out the happiness in them.

Lately, Kylie noticed a drastic change in Silas's attitude and aura. His adorable 11-year-old grin shriveled into occasional smirks. The happy tune he hummed while doing his chores quieted into little grumbles and grunts. Those silly pranks or surprises he'd pull off on a regular basis ceased. Back then, he came from school sweaty, pink and absolutely glowing with the radiance of youthful joy, but now, he walked through the door with his head down and avoided prolonged eye contact. It was almost like he was just a shell of who he really is.

Knocking on his door beforehand, Kylie enters Ruru's old study which has now become Silas's favorite quiet spot. She found his nose stuck in a book, a pencil lightly tapping on his temple. "Hey, babe!"

Silas jolted and looked up from his book sharply, "H-huh?"

"Sorry to scare you, sweet, but dinner's ready. Let's go," she says gently, sensing the boy's tensed mood.

"Nah, it's okay, Ma. I'm not hungry," he shrugs off the offer.

"You sure? Baba made your favorite sirloin tonight."

Kylie swore she saw a small glint of light flash behind his eyes before he shook his head and pulled off one of his smirks. "I'm pretty sure, Ma. Thank you."

The worried mother gave him a confused look before walking out the door with the thought of why her son has been so jumpy recently.

-

Turning and tossing, she still couldn't sleep. Kylie was anxious. Silas was acting so strange and she was worried sick. Nowadays with depression and anxiety hanging low in the corners of the world, a mother couldn't help but worry for the mental and emotional well-being of her children. Amir seemed to be doing fine with his college applications. Noelle was getting so good at her theatrical techniques. All was well except Silas's change of heart.

Turn.

Toss.

Shuffle.

Lie flat.

Blink.

Huff.

"Love, go to sleep. You need some rest," Ruru grumbles, putting his arm around her waist.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Seriously?" she puffed.

"Yes, seriously. I have no idea what's bothering you. Tell me," he sheepishly replies.

"It's Silas."

"What about him?" he whispered, trying his best not to fall asleep.

"He's acting so strange. Less playful and more sombre. He doesn't seem like himself these couple of weeks, and I thought maybe it was just because he had a bad week or something upset him but it's been a little while, don't you think?" she rambles.

"Yeah, I noticed he no longer smudges maple syrup on his nose purposely in the morning," he realizes.

"To say I'm worried is a huge understatement," she whispers as slumber finally crept through her system.

-

Noelle was screlting. A theatre term for scream-belting. She purposely practiced doing so for her new role as Eponine in their little high school production. It really didn't bother anyone else in the house because she was in the music room. Nobody was bothered except Silas. Today, it was the itch behind his knee because he was so moody.

"Ate, can you tone it down a bit?" he requests, his tone right in the middle of a gruff and a scream.

"I'm sorry but opening is in two days and I still haven't perfected the scream for the scene in Rue Plumet. Can you move to your room instead?" she says apologetically as she takes a small sip of lemon water.

"Ate, please! All I'm asking for is some peace and quiet, is that too much to ask for?!" he exploded, unintentionally ticking off his sister.

"Silas, please din naman! It would be so much simpler to just move upstairs! I need to polish this into a crystal and right now, my voice is a piece of shiny coal!" Noelle screams back not even minding the fact that this could potentially ruin her vocal cords.

"GOD DAMN IT, ATE! ANO BA?! JUST SHUT UP FOR ONE DAY! ONE DAY IS ALL I'M ASKING FOR!"

"What's happening here? Stop screaming at each other!" Ruru intervenes. He stands right in between the two.

"Baba, he was screaming at me for practicing my screlt," Noelle explained.

"She wouldn't shut up just for one day! I have a long quiz to take tomorrow!" he sided as his knuckles turned white and his face red.

"Hey, hey! You two, calm down. Really, this isn't even a big deal. Silas-"

"Silas what? Is it my fault again?! I mean, duh, isn't it always my fault?! I don't even know why I'm surprised! You always side with her because she's your favorite!" and with that Silas storms out of the room.

"What just happened?" a clueless Amir and Kylie walks into the room.

-

After the whole situation was explained to Kylie and Amir, they all decided that it was best to send Amir to talk with his younger brother. Like the great older brother that he was, he took the responsibility wholeheartedly and dashed off to the designated room.

Knocking at his brother's door three times, Amir slowly twisted the doorknob to open it. "Hey, 'Las."

"Go away, Kuya. I don't want you here," Silas mumbles through a tear-filled voice.

"You sure? Basing from your attitude these past few weeks, you need a whole lot of me and a whole lot of talking, little dude," the kuya says with the right amount of authorization and gentleness in his tone.

Silas sits up and faces his older brother and sure enough, his face was stained with tears. He looked like a melting pot of guilt, anger, and another emotion Amir couldn't read. Nevertheless, he looked painstakingly sad.

"Now, talk to me. What was that about? Screaming at Baba and Noelle?"

"I-I...I don't know, Kuya! It's...I'm just...I really can't explain!" he tries and miserably fails to explain himself as a new batch of tears sprang out from his eyes. "I don't understand what I feel! It's so overwhelming and I-I just feel so...so worthless and I don't feel like I'm enough and-and you're acing y-your dream schools, Ate's nailing her musical theatre and I'm just... I just got a line of eight and I failed my long test in Science last week. I'm not feeling my best self and I hate it! I hate this! I hate it!"

Amir was subtly shocked by his brother's sudden outburst. He felt like a bad brother for not finding this out sooner. He grabbed his now sobbing brother and held him tight to his chest as if he was trying to shield him from the cruelty this world brought. 

"I feel so left behind. I feel like I'm not progressing enough," he muffled in between sobs.

"I'm so sorry you feel that way, 'Las. I had no idea," Amir comforts.

Amir let him sob for a little while before making the 11-year-old face him and look him straight in the eyes, "You listen to me and you listen well, Silas Emilio. You are not worthless and you are progressing just fine. Where Noelle and I are right now? You'll get there in your time. It's okay not to be your best all the time and failing is okay. We've all been there. It's normal to fail but I want you to learn that one small failure isn't the end of it all. Even the best fail but that doesn't make them any less. It's okay, man. Take your time. Don't pressure yourself. You're doing so good. I'm so proud of you."

Silas looks up to him with wide eyes.

"You're doing great, bud."