Shattered Jar (Fiorello Series #1)

04

04

"Mama, nasaan po si Papa ko?" an eight year old version of me asked to her mother. Still wondering why her father's not around all the time.

Where is he anyway? Masaya ba siyang wala kami sa piling niya? Mahal niya ba kami ni Mama?

"Anak..." marahang sabi ni Mama bago siya yumuko para pumantay ang lebel naming dalawa. "Hindi na uuwi sa atin ang Papa mo..."

On that day, she explained everything to me about my father. Hindi na siya babalik dahil sa mga rason na hindi ko pa naiintindihan noon. Ang mga rason na sana naiintindihan ko na para maintindihan ko rin siya, pero hindi pala magiging madali iyon. Understanding my father's situation is like pretending to be an angel where in fact that you're not. Ocean of demons, you're in there, burning your own wings just for the sake of long and beautiful horns together with your dirty wagging tail. How can you act like an angel if you're like that in the first place?

Years have passed and I began to understand my father's situation. Naiintindihan ko pero nahihirapan akong tanggapin ang katotohanang iyon. Mama seems fine with it too, so I therefore conclude that maybe it's okay to live without a father. But that's just maybe, kahit naiintindihan ko ay hindi naman kayang intindihin nang ibang tao sa paligid ko.

I have no one but my mother... my mother who betrayed me while I'm trying to make her whole.

"Kamusta po si Air?" I heard my mother's voice.

Unti-unti akong dumilat para makita kung nasaan ako. I'm at the clinic, laying on the cold metal bed rails with soft mattress and pillows. They were talking using their low voices, para bang ayaw nilang marinig sila nang kung sino.

I inhaled the scent of get well flowers right beside me. Hindi ko alam kung gaano na ba ako katagal rito para bigyan ng bulaklak. Sinuri ko ang bulaklak, baby's breath, huh? My favorite one.

Hinawi ko ang puting kurtina para makita ang mga taong nag-uusap sa labas. Nakita ko si Mama na kausap si Dr. Sheridan, main doctor sa clinic at nakita ko rin si Nurse Carmen na nakahalikan ni Barachiel. I wonder what's the score between the two of them. Nababalita na madalas silang magkasama pero sabi rin nila na may iba pang lalaking nakakasama itong si Carmen. Well, that's not my story to tell.

Tumikhim ako kaya lahat sila ay napatingin sa akin. Hawak ko ang bouquet ng baby's breath sa kaliwang kamay ko habang pinapatunog ko pa ang aking leeg.

"A-Anak..."

"Cut the crap please," I rolled my eyes. "Let's just go home. Maayos na ako,"

"Stay here for a while Ms. Zanteban. May pag-uusapan lang kami sa labas ng mother mo," ani Dr. Sheridan kaya tumango lang ako at umupo sa isang puting silya na nasa gilid, malapit kay Carmen.

Abala siya sa pag-aayos sa mga drawer na may naglalamang gamot. Nakikita ko ang minsanang pag-sulyap niya sa akin at kapag nakikita niyang nakatingin ako ay siya na ang nag-iiwas ng tingin.

"You're Barachiel's ex-girlfriend, right?" she suddenly asked.

Kumunot ang aking noo at tinignan siya mula ulo hanggang paa. Her all white uniform suits her very well, it's hugging every part of her curves. I must admit that she's sexy and pretty, but sometimes looks can be deceiving too. Hindi siya mukhang mapagkakatiwalaan kung ako ang tatanungin.

Hindi ko sinagot ang tanong niya. I don't see any reason for me to answer her question. I'm the ex-girlfriend, part of Barachiel's past. We broke up two years ago but it doesn't matter anymore. Kung ano man ang ginampanan ko sa buhay ni Barachiel, hanggang doon na lang 'yon. Mas importante ang kung anong meron ngayon.