HIDDEN PAIN 𐦍 GarrothXReader

04| The voices are my Friends

[I need a break from the loneliness that's consuming me]

     There was the deafening of silence after the door slammed, my hands shaking as they touched the cold doorknob.

Someone was angry, angry means they'll get violent.

Something that has been embedded in my head since I was eight.

Suddenly, a cold shiver crawled up my spine, making me shudder as I pushed the door open.

Every inch of me was shaking, showing no signs of stopping.

The hallway was empty. It was cold and eerie, but it was empty. It's possible to make it out of here without anyone noticing.

My feet carry me down the hallway, my eyes glancing behind me as I make my way towards the door.

The hallway seems to drag on forever, getting longer every moment, the door becoming farther and farther.

The door bursts open, and I break into a run, panting as I sprint down the hallway.

"Get back here, bitch!" A terrified noise came from my lips, almost like a whimper.

The hallway suddenly seemed to spin, like a circus hallway, which knocked me off balance. Except when I fall, I don't land. So I keep falling into the empty abyss, a silent scream ripping through the air.

I jolt awake in a cold sweat, my heart racing, feeling as if it's about to explode from fear.

A nightmare. It's just a nightmare. It's not real.

But it felt like it.

My body rolls over onto my side, my eyes peering through the darkness to look at the clock. 3:30, it tells me.

Should've known; I'm usually up around this time anyways.

Yawning, I run my fingers through my hair and catch knots, letting out an exhausted sigh. I once again throw it into a bun to manage it and continue sitting.

When I close my eyes again, the nightmare replays, the feeling of fear returning once more. So, I open my eyes again to avoid this, instead, staring darkness in the face.

Dark thoughts suddenly enter my head, and I'm overcome with hopelessness once more.

I have a strong urge to hurt myself but become angry when I realize I'm not able to. Not in the way I want, at least.

I squeeze my nails into my palms, hoping this releases the emotion I'm feeling right now. But it doesn't, so instead, tears begin to fall.

I'm not sobbing, but silently crying as tears fall from my eyes. Fortunately, I've mastered the ability to be silent when I'm breaking down. Years of parents yelling at me, telling me to shut the fuck up before they give me a reason to cry. Something I've heard too much.

I take in a breath of air once I stop being a baby and stare into the mirror, thinking.

This is all my life is. Endless cycles of tears, blood, abuse, nightmares, and then smiling when they're over. It's a lot. Mentally, physically. The question is, how long can I hold on?

...

     Ashlee slides a bowl of oatmeal in front of me, and I look up, confused. No yelling? No demands?

  "Eat." There it is. She begins to walk away before she notices my eye and grabs my face. "What the hell happened to you?" Your daughter and her idiot friends, I want to spit. But I bite my tongue.