Lost and Found || Punk H.S

Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Harry's P.O.V

I've always hated my weaknesses.

I remember the day my father died. He was diagnosed with disease on top of disease until they all piled up on top of him. You could tell he was close to his last breath just by looking at him on the hospital bed. My dad was never a weak man before this, physically. His mental stability was always wavering. He had once tried to drown me in the stream behind our house. I was just sitting out there thinking like I usually did. I was only about ten, back when I was as weak as I am at the moment. He came and talked to me for a few minutes.

Out of nowhere his eyes held a fury that I had never witnessed in my young life. Before I could register what was happening he had a sickening smile scaring his face and he threw me into the stream. My own father held my head down as I cried out fiercely under the water. He held me there until the world around me went black.

I woke up in my sister's room. She was crying beside me and I had asked her if she was crying because of what had happened or because her bed was now wet. She had only laughed and asked me if I was okay. I said of course, that dad loves me.

Moments like those drifted through my small mind as I looked at my dad on the hospital bed. His brown hair was thinning and his now full green eyes had bags seemingly piled under them. The needles in his body frightened my childish mind.

"Harry let me talk to you for a minute." He coughed strongly as I walked over to him. Andrea smiled at me from the couch in the hospital room. She came to support me through this, she knew how much I loved my slightly terrifying dad. He eyed the bruise covering her cheek when she walked in but he didn't question her like he had many other times before. I'm sure by now he knew the truth.

"Yeah dad," I asked. "You need to get rid of your weaknesses. I've tried so hard to help you with this but I think I have failed. I may have failed because that girl holds you back from losing your weaknesses. She is one of your weaknesses and you can't have that. I love you, your sister, and your mother so much believe me. I'm sorry I've left you at this age but I'm only getting rid of yet another weakness. Don't be sad Harry my boy." The endless solo beep isn't enough to drown out his words. Not now. Not ever.

I hadn't even lost Andrea yet, but he wanted me to be rid of her. I lost her later that year, and I can't lie and say I didn't sort of blame my father behind all of the self hatred. The hatred I feel for myself at the moment is quite a fair comparison to the hatred I felt back then as well. I'm weak once again. I can't even say that every single one of these new scars on my body were inflicted by someone else.

*Flashback*

"Wakey-wakey Styles," I groan from my position against the wall. The cuffs on my wrists held my arms over my head while the cuffs on my ankles kept me above the ground. My body contorts in an awkward and uncomfortable angle as it hangs out from the wall. A gnawing pain is felt in my wrists and a metallic smelling liquid runs slowly down my arms. Blood. Thank you. The relief of the pain made me more than grateful. I don't understand how pain can be felt differently when you inflict it upon yourself, but it does. Quickly, I move my wrists harshly against the cuffs again, aching for the familiar relief.

The blood flows down my arms faster, seeming to slow the endless trail of thoughts in my mind. These thoughts in my mind are burning out of control, becoming my own living hell. My mind fishes for a familiar thought but I only find the misleading ones.

Andrea has probably moved on.

'She couldn't, she's pregnant with our child.'

She never gave a shit about you.